The Unbearable Banishment: is that a cell phone jammer in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

is that a cell phone jammer in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

I continue to work horribly long hours at my new consultant gig at Gigantic Institutional Investor. There’s a lot I don’t like about working so late. It’s going to be a while until I am able to sit down and have dinner with the family or make an 8:00 curtain. The New York economy is still a wreck so this is how it must be for now. But there are small pleasures to be had from working late for a Big Corporation.

The days of corporate excess are not completely over. They feed us pretty much whatever we want for dinner. For instance, last night I had a BBQ duck burrito with black beans and rice. Dee. Lish. Us. If I work past 9:00 p.m., which is pretty much every night, I don’t have to deal with Penn Station and New Jersey transit to get home. They provide a company car and driver. It’s a nice black sedan. The only people at Penn Station at that hour of the night are the residents. Once, I walked into the men’s room at 10:30 p.m. and saw a man rinsing a sandwich off in the sink. I feel awful for our downtrodden citizens, but it’s not what I need to see after a 13-hour shift.

Last night was a beautiful, warm, night in Manhattan. I sat in the back seat and rolled down the window as we drove south on Park Avenue and then west across Seventh Avenue, through the fashion district, towards the Lincoln Tunnel. People were out walking in droves. Girls in short black dresses. Hot town. Summer in the city.

Once we’re on the Garden State Parkway, my drivers have an annoying habit of chatting on their cell phones while I’m in the back seat trying to read the paper or meditate or bang out a blog entry. You know the remedy for that, don’t you?

Say hello to my little friend. [And that quote is from…? anyone...? anyone...? Bueller?]

They’re professional drivers and if I asked them nicely, they would certainly stop their calls. But where’s the sport in that?! If you thought people on trains were easy marks, you should get a load of these poor guys. Knocking out a cell phone call is easiest when your intended victim is a mere few feet away.



Blogger A Free Man said...

Much like Tony Montana, you are a bad, bad man.


April 28, 2009 at 8:47 AM  
Anonymous Nurse H said...

Be careful....he may want to start talking to you instead...and then you'll have to pretend you're deaf...

April 28, 2009 at 9:44 AM  
Anonymous Phone jammer said...

ah the price of silence....

April 28, 2009 at 11:12 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

AFM: Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

Nurse H: One of my witty retorts and it's back to peace and quiet.

PJ: Actually, the price of silence was $38 + shipping.

April 28, 2009 at 11:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BBQ duck burrito? WTF? those are three words i'd NEVER put together, let alone eat...

careful jammin the driver - he may get so frustrated he rear-ends a garbage truck.

April 28, 2009 at 12:01 PM  
Blogger Barlinnie said...

I could write a book on the inspiration of that one washed sang-wich alone.

April 28, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Ellie said...

Do you have a scar across your face?

April 28, 2009 at 4:34 PM  
Blogger Ellie said...

ps - i have to say i initially thought the photo was a pic of sushi knives (in a casing). so, yes, i didn't quite get it immediately. doh.

April 28, 2009 at 4:36 PM  
Blogger ~E said...

and of course you'll be blogging about the cuss words spewing out of their mouths when their all important phone calls are cut off...yes?

April 28, 2009 at 8:07 PM  
Anonymous Rob said...

Ha ha. Literally laughing out loud. You funny guy.

I hear the whole long hours/missing family thing. (Some thing I didn't really tumble to all those years I was away from home a lot on business travel. Um, that is until I lost the missus. Now I know better...)

Still, the fact that you're working again (congrats, by the way) comes through in the tone of your post.

Chauffered home in big black sedans, eh? Are your neighbours talking yet? Thinking maybe you're a connected guy or maybe a made guy?

If you're jammin' these guys up close, I hope, for your sake, that you're at least waiting for a plausible *other* reason for a dropped call (like, *not* on the expressway). Otherwise, they may tumble to it and fix you up like a wiseguy.

Oh, and the "little friend"? Others have alluded, but, yes, it was "Scarface" with Al Pacino as Cuban reject Tony "Montanya".

April 28, 2009 at 9:12 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Daisy: You’re not going to believe this but I had ANOTHER duck burrito tonight! No kidding! It was as good as the first one.

Jimmy: It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever witnessed.

Ellie: An understandable mistake, but this device is far more useful (and fun) than a sushi knife.

E: I will report back with a verbatim transcript of all their filthy curses.

Rob: Thx for the congrats. As I’ve said before, I’ve gone from UNEMPLOYED to OVEREMPLOYED. Don’t know if it’ll last but I’m grateful for the income.

April 28, 2009 at 10:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are incorrigible.

April 28, 2009 at 11:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want a BBQ duck burrito NOW!

April 29, 2009 at 5:41 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Annie: That’s funny. I always thought I was a reasonable man. Perhaps not!

Nurse: As I said to Daisy, I had a second helping the very next night. My colleagues ordered one as well and congratulated me on the discovery.

April 29, 2009 at 8:28 AM  
Anonymous popomatic Jeff said...

That's hysterical! Is there any place that miracle tool doesn't come in handy?

April 29, 2009 at 11:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would be in HEAVEN if someone would drive me the 50 or so mile round trip I make every day into Nashville. On the other hand, if I had to work until 9 p.m. I would have a complete and total come-apart.

May 1, 2009 at 3:39 PM  
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February 6, 2013 at 7:04 AM  

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