The Unbearable Banishment: Gifts for her

Friday, August 14, 2009

Gifts for her

Next month is our 10th wedding anniversary and I have begun the arduous task of shopping for a gift for Mrs. Wife. I say arduous because Mrs. Wife is very, very difficult to shop for. You see, Mrs. Wife doesn’t give a shit about material things. It’s pretty amazing, really. She believes that true, deep happiness doesn’t come with a designer label attached to it. An expensive car, an 8,000 square foot house and shoes as far as the eye can see are relatively meaningless to her. She is one of the most psychologically healthy people I have ever met.

While that makes married life a lot easier, it makes gift-giving nearly impossible. What do you get for the person who doesn’t really need much? She’s fine with a family hug and those are free.

I turned to my old friend the internet. I knew there were traditional gifts for each specific anniversary but I, being just a guy, had no idea what they were.

According the a number of different sites, there are now “traditional” gifts and “modern” gifts. Were you aware of that? The “traditional” 10-year anniversary gift is aluminum/tin. The “modern” gift is diamond.

Oh, really?

That’s a major upgrade. The “traditional” gift of a diamond doesn’t arrive until your 60th anniversary. Here’s what I think happened: A bunch of old hens were sitting around kvetching and decided that they deserved something more than just a piece of tin for putting up with his shit for 10 years, so they rewrote the rules and bumped diamond up 50 years. Does that sound plausible? Can you imagine a man or a group of men coming up with this?

[BTW, our anniversary is 9/11. Thanks, terrorists, for severely fucking up my city and putting a crimp in our anniversary. It’s like having your anniversary on Pearl Harbor Day or Kristallnacht.]


Blogger Sid said...

Your wife sounds awesome. Personally. I love receiving books for my birhtday. Even if they're second-hand books. You can tell a lot about the genre of book your friends picked out for you. It shows how well they know you.
Also journals. I can never have enough empty books to scribble my thoughts down. Maybe you could just do something nice for the wife? Take her to a spa? A day away from the kids?

August 14, 2009 at 10:13 AM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

Books do it for me too

August 14, 2009 at 10:42 AM  
Anonymous popomatic jeff said...

A roll of tin foil is practical and traditional.

August 14, 2009 at 11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

a thoughtfully selected book will make me weep. that and chocolate. good scotch. and a lazy day of doing absolutely nuthin'...

she sounds pretty easy to 'shop' for to me... refreshing!

August 14, 2009 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

She sounds like my hubby. He has very few wants. All I have to do is put on a small piece of lace instead of my usual comfy sleepwear, and he's a happy camper.

August 14, 2009 at 12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! It's awesome how you post about getting your wife an anniversary gift and everyone started talking about birthday gifts.


Anyways, my recommendation? For putting up with ten years of your shit?

Diamond tennis bracelet. Despite the simple tastes she'll love it.

August 14, 2009 at 7:14 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

Yup, books, I agree. Books, books, books. Some of my most romantic gifts from Sarge have been books--the most memorable being the complete collected works of Allen Ginsberg. Second was a book of WWI poetry--we both love poetry and these were amazing choices (if idiosyncratic; I know Ginsberg isn't for everyone). But you see what I mean. Add a really awesome inscription (the art of the inscription seems to have died out! Resurrect it by all means!).

The tin to diamond upgrade is insane!

August 14, 2009 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger tennysoneehemingway said...

I knew it was tin, coz our tenth anniversay is coming up next year and I wanted to be prepared. Didn't know about the diamond thing though. Hell of an upgrade.

August 14, 2009 at 9:42 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Sid: She's pretty unique. I dated so many women who judged a man by the capacity of his wallet. She was a breadth of fresh air.

Nurse: I need a more grand gesture than a book.

Jeff: A good gift for a cat, maybe!

Daisy: Again, a book doesn't seem grand enough for a 10th anniv.

Cat: Actually, we both are pretty down to earth. I indulge in a rare book once in a while but I have modest desires as well.

Rob: Yes, I noticed that as well. That'll come in handy on October 1st.

Leah: It may be insane but apparently it caught on.

TE: Sorry to break the news. You were bound to find out sooner or later.

August 14, 2009 at 11:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh you want an expensive diamond encrusted book?

August 15, 2009 at 8:24 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

An afternoon at a posh spa in NYC? Facial, massage, manicure, pedicure combination?

Damn terrorists.

I love your wife.

August 15, 2009 at 8:48 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I don't know, I can barely decide what I want as a gift let alone recommend gifts for others.

Take her to the Statue of LIberty or something.

(that was rubbish, sorry)

August 15, 2009 at 9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Books,must agree with books..unless she prefers movies or entire seasons of her favorite tv show.
My hubby gets me books or the most recent movie I've said I'm interested in.(Same for me to him.) We use the extra $ for our vacations to Syria

August 17, 2009 at 7:51 PM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

Hey, at least you won't forget. Zach was nearly born on 9/11 but we made it til the 12th.

August 19, 2009 at 10:57 PM  

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