The Unbearable Banishment: 1 bad dad + 1 ribald joke

Sunday, February 14, 2010

1 bad dad + 1 ribald joke

I took 8-Year Old Daughter sledding. Our strategy to go early in the morning and avoid the crowds paid off. We had the entire hill to ourselves. The snow was packed and she was flying. I finally insisted that she hand over her sled and give me a turn. I went so fast that it gave me a genuine thrill.

A little boy, about 6-years old, arrived alone. He went up and down the hill all by himself. It made me a bit sad.

It came time to leave and we set out towards the car. We got to the parking lot and I saw a man sitting in a Chevy Expedition. The car was running. Inside was the little boy's father, watching dutifully from a distance in his roasty-toasty warm car. Apparently, he couldn't be bothered to stand in the cold with his son. I gave him my best "what is wrong with you" look. I think I struck a nerve because, much to my surprise, he got out of the truck and walked towards the hill to join his son.

In addition to a cell phone jammer, I wish I had a device that I could point at people and sterilize them.

* * *

[Edit: I just reread this joke and it really is in poor taste. All apologies to those offended.]

A man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun walks into a sperm bank. The woman working behind the counter says, "Sir! This is not a regular bank! This is a sperm bank!" The man holding the gun says, "Yes, I know! Pick up that bottle!" She picks it up. "Take off the cap!" She takes it off. "Now, drink it!" She drinks.

The man takes his ski mask off. It's her husband! He says,

"See? It's not so bad."


Blogger savannah said...

i like the joke better, sugar! but i do wish we could find a way to handle the bad dads! xoxox

(the MITM was a good dad [and still is] but he still thinks about the things he missed when they were younger even though the coconut krewe turned out just fine! i wonder if those kinds of thoughts will even cross the car dad's mind...)

February 14, 2010 at 9:30 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

ha! I loved that joke. I'm going to work on memorizing it to tell Sarge. It'll be a Valentine's Day present--he loves ribald jokes and I never can remember them to tell him.

February 14, 2010 at 10:11 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

I feckin' love the joke UB!

Not spending time in fun situations with your own kids? What a sad fuckhead!
Not only does the kid lose out, but so does SADDAD!

I feckin' love the joke though!


February 14, 2010 at 10:28 PM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

As I read that bit about the dad, I thought perhaps the dad had something wrong that stopped him playing in the snow. Like bad arthritis. But then I thought, nah, he's probably just a lazy arse.

February 14, 2010 at 11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The one and only time I've taken Dee sledding, we had a wipe out and she did a high speed face plant. Not good. Maybe that bad dad had the same experience? I know it's hard not to judge, but we really don't know other people's stories, right?

The joke wasn't all that funny, but the [Edit] line made me laugh out loud. You see the pun, right? "In poor taste?" Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

Oh, has Ford taken over GM? Last I knew, the Expedition was a Ford SUV. (Not trying to be a smartass. Just sayin'.)

February 14, 2010 at 11:14 PM  
Blogger Barlinnie said...

Be proud rather than sad, how many faithers reading this have done the roasty-toasty bit in their time?

I'm afraid the joke may have left a nasty taste in many a mouth.

February 15, 2010 at 2:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

unfortunately, there generally is no magic wand we can wave to fix all that is wrong with the world... maybe you were able to provide a non-verbal smack in the head, though...

the joke? i'm a redneck. i got it. and it made me laugh (as did the 'poor taste' bit that rob pointed out, that i hadn't caught!)

February 15, 2010 at 2:45 AM  
Anonymous sid said...

My sister once went to birthday where the father of the bday girl said, "When we first heard about the pregnancy we wanted to abort her (the bday girl)."

He also said that he was disappointed that she wasn't an athelete.

February 15, 2010 at 7:06 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Savannah: I think everyone has some regrets in their heart. Even when they say they don't. I'm going to be Buddhist and say I hope his actions don't haunt him later.

Leah: I laughed like hell when I first heard it but after a reread, it gave me the creeps. Sex at gunpoint isn't too funny.

Map: You're right. I should lighten up. It's just a joke, for cryin' out loud.

Jo: That's very astute of you, actually. I never gave him the benefit of the doubt. I'm always too quick to judge.

Rob: Doh! I don't know my cars like I should. I don't know anything about plumbing or electrical work, either. I'm a poor excuse for a "guy."

Jimmy: Who am I to judge this man? Actually, this being my blog, I can judge whomever I like! The double entendre was unintentional.

Daisy: No doubt I am as flawed as this man, but I will indulge in a moment of superiority whenever I get the chance.

Sid: Is that true?! Good heavens, that poor girl is going to spend a lifetime trying to put that behind her.

February 15, 2010 at 5:02 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

hahahah! at the joke! I laughed out loud!!! :-) (Should I say this out loud??? 'It's not always in bad taste...')

@ the dad? His bad... even if he'd had a bad spill or was achy with pains, he could still get out there and be with his kid.... lots of people suck it up and do what they 'should' do. I'm so glad you gave him the 'eye' and he got out to join his son!

February 15, 2010 at 11:40 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ponita: Yeah, you don't want to get the fish-eye from me. Some people NEVER recover the equilibrium.

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