The Unbearable Banishment: As Lazarus rose from the dead

Monday, May 31, 2010

As Lazarus rose from the dead

I went swimming and my cell phone was in my pocket. It’s currently in a bag of rice on my car dash. I was assured that my phone, like Lazarus, would arise after four days. If any of you have sent me text messages, you won’t get a response until later in the week.

* * *

I’ve been in a terrible funk. I haven’t felt like posting, reading any blogs or commenting. I’ll spare you the boring details. But in the thick of my self-pity, I attended a funeral. Sadness, sadness. God, the loss.

The day after the funeral, I received word that a friend’s 20-year old daughter passed away. She battled neurofibromatosis. Her entire life was spent in pain and wheelchairs. Her condition lead to hydrocephalus, legal blindness, loss of limb function and other sundry miseries. Yet, she managed to graduate from high school and never saw herself as handicapped.

And I still sit in my shallow funk. Who am I?


Blogger Leah said...

I've been in a funk too lately. I don't think you can reliably compare yourself to others. Different people deal with different levels of crisis in all kinds of ways. Perhaps you're really the one to turn to when bigger things are going wrong? That's sort of how I am.

Don't feel guilty about the funk! And I hope you feel better soon.

May 31, 2010 at 6:08 PM  
Blogger Pearl said...

Who are you? Just another perfect, flawed human being. I think it's part of being a thinking person, these moments of intense consciousness.

The sun also rises. :-)



May 31, 2010 at 6:23 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

It must be something in the air! Yes it's that feckin' ash-cloud I bet! (Everybody seems to be catchin' it!)

Tomorrow, Tomorrow...... or Wednesday maybe...

Feel better soon pal, and sorry for your loss. :¬)

May 31, 2010 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger savannah said...

what was the line in Casablanca when sam says something like, "come on boss, let's go fishing, let's go get drunk" ...i'll be sam to your rick, sugar! y'all would do the same for me. ;~D we all follow our own clock, trust me on this one thing. xoxoxoxo

May 31, 2010 at 7:13 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

don't beat yourself up for being down... there'll always be the "Darfur Blogger" who is dealing with far greater misery than our own. But if you're in a funk, you're in a funk - and it feels like shit.

Hope it blows over soon. Maybe a little time on a train with the cell phone jammer would pick up your spirits a bit...

May 31, 2010 at 7:24 PM  
Blogger secret agent woman said...

My very first year of doing therapy a young patient said to me, "Who can measure another's pain?" 20 years later I still think about that. You are experiencing what you are expereencing - you don't have to feel bad about that.

May 31, 2010 at 7:40 PM  
Blogger Pueblo girl said...

When I was a kid, I was told to eat my greens (or whatever else it was that I currently couldn't stomach) because there were starving children in Africa. It never helped then, and it doesn't help now. Rather it's an approach that negates my "right" to have problems, let alone face them.

Sorry to hear about your losses.

May 31, 2010 at 8:14 PM  
Anonymous Rob said...

I can relate to the funky-ness. Seems like it's going around these days. Hopefully we'll all break out of it soon.

On the up side, my eldest is visiting your favourite city as we speak. Hope your city treats her well!

May 31, 2010 at 11:55 PM  
Anonymous Sid said...

Yeah, I agree with PB. Looking at ppl who are worse off than you negates your right to experience the full gamut of emotions that life has to offer. And in my case it just made me feel worse/guilty.

Anyway, going to an exhibition on Thursday. Will take photos and put it on my blog esp for you. =)

June 1, 2010 at 3:36 AM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

what everyone else said.hope you feel better soon UB

(why is your phone in a bag of rice?)

June 1, 2010 at 4:43 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

You're normal, sunshine.

All hail the blogging funk!

June 1, 2010 at 5:06 AM  
Blogger RubyTwoShoes said...

I have been feeling the same way (re energy, blogging, reading, commenting etc ) and have been beating myself up over the fact that it is for 'no good reason' (egged on by the kind of comparisons you yourself made) - but when is there ever a good reason?!
I want to always feel blessed, alive, inspired and grateful for the wonderful life I have. But sometimes, i just don't.

June 1, 2010 at 6:55 AM  
Blogger Ms Scarlet said...

You can't help your moods... and remember they're ever changing, this time next month you could be bouncing off the walls.

June 1, 2010 at 7:02 AM  
Blogger kyknoord said...

Chin up. My dad has a habit of dropping his phone in the toilet.

June 1, 2010 at 7:22 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

All: Do you mean to tell me that I’m not the ONLY PERSON who has troubles? It’s hard to accept. I swear to God, I look around me and all I see out in the New Jersey suburbs are successful, happy, well-adjusted Dads. I think that’s why I lasted in New York as long as I did. Everyone in the city is broken and I felt less freakish.

Savannah: Line ‘em up.

Daisy: Beating myself up is the one thing I’m really good at. Do I have to give it up?

Rob: Hope she has a nice trip and has good stories to tell when she gets back. The weather is cooperating, so that helps.

Nursey: If you keep a waterlogged cell phone in a bag of rice for a few days, the rice will absorb all the moisture. Or so I’ve been told. So I’m hoping.

June 1, 2010 at 7:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. If any consolation: me too. Funk. Sad. Over it.

June 1, 2010 at 7:43 AM  
Anonymous annie said...

it's all relative UB.

June 1, 2010 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

You swim with pockets? Isn't that dangerous - like gum boots?

So sorry for your sadness. All things pass.

June 2, 2010 at 5:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your allowed to be in a "funk" we all do it and once it passes you will look back and think.....not sure why I was in that funk but glad it's over.
We are better off if we don't compare ourselves to others; depending on the mood we usually go to the extreme side of the pendulum.


June 2, 2010 at 12:22 PM  
Blogger Mr London Street said...

Everyone has already said it, but of course the thing about other people's problems - however horrendous they may be - is that they're still other people's.

June 2, 2010 at 5:33 PM  
Anonymous Tux said...

How's the phone doing?

June 2, 2010 at 6:17 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Tux: Day 4 and the phone is still dead, dead, dead. Plus, it feels "starchy" from being in rice for so long. I want my phone back.

June 3, 2010 at 7:20 AM  

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