The Unbearable Banishment: Career opportunities

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Career opportunities

Currently, I'm a consultant on a project that should stretch through summer. I'd prefer a nice, cushy staff position, but this is the best I can do for now. In the meantime, I keep my eye out for other opportunities. Towards that end, I receive job-post emails on a fairly regular basis from a number of different sources. Here's a prospect that I'm considering:

Temporary workers for Gulf Coast

Shamrock Environmental Corporation (Shamrock) has been contracted to provide support personnel to assist with the oil spill clean-up throughout the Gulf Coast. All workers will require OSHA 40 hour Hazardous Waste Operator Training (WE WILL PROVIDE). The hours will vary but expect LOTS of overtime.

RATE OF PAY: $13.00/hour straight time
. $19.50/hour overtime (after 40 hours/week)

PER DIEM: $26.00/day for meals

LODGING: Provided

Work may include, but is not limited to, manual labor associated with removing crude oil from impacted beaches, rocks, boom, or any other items that have come in contact with the oil. Work Environment may include working on or near water, in marshland, beach and estuary locations in hot and humid conditions day or night.

Work is available IMMEDIATELY.

Whaddya think? I'm particularly looking forward to working in hot and humid conditions (+ oily w/ Looziana swamp creatures) in the middle of the night.

* * *

One of our clients is in need of a proofreader last minute for a catalogue (sic) spot. Must be fluent in Danish.

WTF? I don't know how to proofread (as regular readers of this blog can attest to) and I sure as hell don't know nuthin' about speakin' no Danish. Why was this sent to me? Next.


Blogger mapstew said...

You don't know how to proofread? And you won't learn Danish? Well that's just laziness!

What's wrong with 'catalogue'? :¬)

June 17, 2010 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Map: As you well know, "catalogue" does NOT include the letter "u" (over here). And you're right. Deep down I am a lazy bones. I wouldn't work at all if I didn't have to.

June 17, 2010 at 8:13 AM  
Blogger savannah said...

hey, i'm sure they were thinking, "just send it out, somebody will say yes!" xoxoxox

June 17, 2010 at 8:38 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

Actually, in parts of "over here" - like the Great White North - "catalogue" does include a "u". There are many English words that contain the letter "u" which Americans have decided are not required.

The Gulf Coast clean up job? $13/hr is soooooo not even close to enough pay for that shitty job. Hot and humid AND in HAZWOPR gear? Fuck that. They didn't even mention the bugs or the fact that all of your co-workers will have IQ's that are about half of yours. It wouldn't even take a week for you to go batshit crazy on that job.

June 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

suspect the job with Shamrock is all that Rob describes, and less. which is exactly why i think i should send my son down there for the summer... hmmm.... Louisana boot camp. Redemption task. Learning why he really wants an edumacation...

June 17, 2010 at 9:25 AM  
Blogger Pearl said...

Swamp work?! And here I wasn't looking forward to the graduation party serving gig on Saturday! Puts a new perspective on it...


p.s. Ordered the Rush "Beyond the Lighted Stage" movie. :-) Becomes available in just a few days. I'm chuffed. :-) Unbelieveably, the movie came through the theaters here in Mpls a DAY before you left me the link! Dagnabit it anyway!!!

June 17, 2010 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

As Rob said, there are lots of words that you guys south of the border have decided don't require the letter 'u'. I'm not sure why....? So to me, catalogue is perfectly correct! Even if Blogger's spell check thing underlines it in squiggly red for me.

Proofreading in English is tough enough (I know... I worked in the printing business for years), but in Danish? I can't even imagine how one could proofread if you don't know the language. Seems they don't think about who they send those offers to, do they?

June 17, 2010 at 10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's how we spell 'catalogue' in Danish, ok?

June 17, 2010 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Rob: Fuck that, indeed! This job is hazardous to your health. Can you imagine LOTS of overtime breathing oil fumes? $13 an hour!? Give me a break.

Daisy: Send your son. Tell him he's going on a paid holiday. Won't THAT be a wake-up call!

Pearl: I saw the movie in a Manhattan theater. It was worth it. I wanted the full sound experience vs. my crappy TV speakers. There was virtually NO promotion for this! Not even in NYC. The audience was a bunch of old people with RUSH concert tee-shirts. Quite embarrassing. I LOVED it.

Ponita: Hey, I'm in the print business too! I detected a certain quality about you.

Kykn: Another classic zinger. Where do you get them from?

June 17, 2010 at 1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you were not likely to be up to your arse in oily alligators I could tell you how to say, in Danish, "my hovercraft is full of eels."

You, of course, would say "ass" not "arse."

June 17, 2010 at 5:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mit luftpudefartøj er fyldt med ål

Just in case your Danish is still at Dick and Jane level.

June 17, 2010 at 5:46 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

I sometimes think proof reading is a dying art.
Wouldn't it be good if some of the highest paid BP Board gave up their vacations to manually do a bit of clearing up?

June 18, 2010 at 4:18 AM  
Blogger Nimpipi said...

Proof reading's a bore. I have to do it a couple of times a week, and you need really strong coffee to get going, and even then my eyes glazzzze over. Still, catalog will always be changed to catalogue:)

Are you going to save the Pelicans then? You'll be my hero and then I can brag about this cool blogger I know who jumped to their rescue! Plus you can get a sombrero from there. Ha.

Different note: It's great that people's "asses are being kicked" about the spill. Back here, I don't know if you read about it, but we're pretty disgusted at the 'judgement' passed for the Bhopal Gas Tragedy, 'worst industrial disaster in the world.' It happened the year I was born. Long bloody time to deliver justice.

June 18, 2010 at 5:12 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

MIT: Thanks for the translation. I broke my tongue trying to say it out loud.

Pat: That never occurred to me but forcing the BP executives to participate in the clean-up would be a just and righteous thing to do.

Nimpipi: We did, indeed, get news of the Bhopal judgment. You are right to put it in quotes although you have an extra "e" in there. ;-). That an American company can come to your country, cause that much horror and not pay for it is tragic. The shame of my nation.

June 18, 2010 at 6:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Judgement is valid. The spelling.

June 18, 2010 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Anon: Not according to the Blogger spell check or

What a rollicking debate!

June 18, 2010 at 7:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

afaik, judgement is an accepted variant and judgment is more a US thing.

June 18, 2010 at 1:45 PM  

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