The Unbearable Banishment: All I want for Christmas is a benign biopsy

Sunday, December 12, 2010

All I want for Christmas is a benign biopsy

Last August I bumped my forehead. At least, I *think* I bumped my forehead. I don't actually recall an incident whereby I bumped my head, but around that time a sore about 1 cm in diameter opened up on my forehead and it just wouldn't heal. I went to the gym and after a vigorous workout it would open up. A stream of hot water would hit it in the shower and it would open up. I'd scratch it in my sleep and it would open up. This has been going on for four months.

When I was in Cleveland for Thanksgiving, my sister gave me a homeopathic beeswax ointment which did a pretty good job reducing the size, but it still wouldn't go away completely.

Mrs. Wife finally put her foot down and insisted I see a dermatologist.

In walked this ravishingly cute, young Indian doctor. I glamored her with my witty barbs about the medical profession. We had a few laughs, some innocent flirtations and then she casually said, "Well, I'm going to take a biopsy but I can assure you that you have Basal cell cancer." She explained that, fortunately, this is fairly common, does not spread and is easily treated. But it is a type of skin cancer and not to be trifled with, so a biopsy must be performed.

I told her that I'm Italian and the sun is supposed to be good to us Mediterraneans. She said, "Ah! But you have blue eyes!" I had to admit that I also have my rotten father's Polish blood coursing through my veins. Thanks, Da.

She asked what SPF sunscreen I use when I go to the beach. I chuckled and said, "Sunscreen?" All the flirtyness got sucked out of the room. She got very serious, looked at me sternly and said, "From now on you're an SPF 30 man. Do you understand?" She slapped a band-aid on my forehead and walked out of the room. I sat there like an idiot for a few minutes until I realized I was dismissed.

Test results are in a week to ten days, but I don't think there's much to worry about.

Is there?


Blogger savannah said...

there isn't, sugar! it'll be benign and you'll always remember to use SPF30 always! i'm glad you listened to mrs wife! and JAYSUS, you really do have some gorgeous blue eyes! ;~D xoxo

December 12, 2010 at 12:10 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

I'm sure all will be ok, but even the word 'cancer' gives me cold sweats!

And yes sav, there's def a bit of Paul Newman going on in them eyes! :¬)

December 12, 2010 at 12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

had it on my nose a couple years ago. get it early, and you're good to go... BUT, she's right about the SPF 30.

December 12, 2010 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

That dang Polish blood might have put you at greater risk of skin cancer, but it sure gave you some lovely baby blues.

December 12, 2010 at 1:49 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Sav: Why, thank you! *blinik* *blink* *blink*

Map: Yes, exactly like Newman. Without the talent. And wealth. And salad dressing empire.

Daisy: Yes, lots of folks get it. Not a huge deal. Wouldn't have the nerve to call myself a cancer survivor.

Cat: Thank you but that's about all it was good for, sorry to say. Although I DO like the cuisine.

December 12, 2010 at 2:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do as the lady tells you.
note to more sunscreen before swimming tomorrow.

December 12, 2010 at 2:44 PM  
Blogger Kono said...

What's with these dermatologists, mine's hot, young and Asian, i got alot of moles so i get to go every years and have 'em checked, when they ask what sunscreen i use i laugh and say who the hell goes out during the day? good luck and start using the sunscreen.

December 12, 2010 at 4:56 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

MIT: You need sunscreen tomorrow? For swimming? Outdoors? I'm insane with envy.

Kono: They're hot and they're EARNERS, to boot!

December 12, 2010 at 6:04 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Yeah, you've got gorgeous blues but listen to the lady or you'll get those spots showing up all over the place. Get it treated, use the damn sunscreen (noone is immune to skin cancer, no matter their colour) and make sure you're around in 25 years when your girls are getting married and having babies. It can spread and can be deadly, but only if you're an idiot and don't do what you're supposed to.

Was that a good enough kick in the butt from Ms Nurse???? ;-)

December 12, 2010 at 6:15 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

Can't improve on what Ponita said so take note young man.
Your blue eyes are a real surprise but then Frank had blue eyes and he was Italian.
By the way I have learned over the last few months to treat cancer with respect but no cold sweats - it can be beaten.

December 12, 2010 at 6:52 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ponita: No worries. Apparently, it's a small matter but it really did scare the shit out of me.

Pat: HEY! That's true! Sinatra had blue eyes and you can't get more Italian than that. Ha! Screw you, dad!

December 12, 2010 at 8:40 PM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

Well.... those lovely eyes are VERY blue indeed

December 13, 2010 at 2:45 AM  
Blogger Nimpipi said...

does not spread and is easily treated, does not spread and is easily treated, does not spread and is easily treated.

I don't know how you manage to get yourself in these spots! Now use that damn sun screen! Cute Indian doc is right, NOTHING will happen to you, chill.

does not spread and is easily treated, does not spread and is easily treated..

December 13, 2010 at 2:47 AM  
Anonymous Sid said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Crap, going to the beach today with the work colleagues and one thing that's totally bothering me is that I forgot the sunscreen. I'm brown but even 2 hours in the sun kills me.

December 13, 2010 at 3:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Off-topic and these guys are heavy-duty collectors, but you may be interested

December 13, 2010 at 4:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's just the horns starting to grow. Don't worry, it'll get better once the other one kicks in.

December 13, 2010 at 5:13 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Nurse: Thanks, dear. I look at that pic and all I see is the skin cancer.

Nimpipi: I thought we had something going until I revealed what and idiot I am.

Sid: I'm sure a day or two won't harm you. I made it a lifestyle. That was my downfall.

MIT: What a fantastic site! Thanks! It made me weak in the knees.

December 13, 2010 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

kynk: Or, perhaps, I just had one removed. Now about that tail...

December 13, 2010 at 6:10 AM  
Blogger CiCi said...

Sunscreen is really a must. I really hope you take the instructions and run to the pharmacy. I would have put a couple more bandaids on my head and colored happy faces on them.

December 13, 2010 at 7:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

need pic of doctor nobody want to see you

December 13, 2010 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

TB: If you think THIS bandage looks bad, wait until I have the thing cut out in a few weeks!

Anon: LOL! Excellent point! Will try to clandestinely snap a pic on my return visit.

December 13, 2010 at 8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eeep. That's gotta suck. Are you ok?

December 13, 2010 at 10:48 AM  
Blogger Here In Franklin said...

I think sunscreen is easier for women since so much of our daily makeup contains it. Good luck with the results.

December 13, 2010 at 2:54 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Dolce: I'm surprisingly sanguine about the whole thing.

HIF: Well, I'm going to make it easy for me because I don't want to die.

December 13, 2010 at 4:01 PM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

Hats. Hats are back in style for we men of a certain age. I often forget sunscreen, but in the blazing Aussie summer sun I rarely forget a hat.

December 13, 2010 at 7:27 PM  
Anonymous annie said...

Biopsy is standard. I had one on the back of my neck when I was in my late twenties. Excised. The end.

Rob's late wife's brother had a mess of it on his face. Removed. Biopsied and he's fine - and this is with having a sister who died from melanoma. Basal cell is easily dealt with but you shouldn't tempt fate. Wear a hat at least and avoid the peak sun sun.

December 14, 2010 at 11:42 PM  

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