The Unbearable Banishment: Waking up on Hoth

Monday, December 27, 2010

Waking up on Hoth

From Wikipedia:

In the fictional universe of Star Wars, Hoth is the sixth planet of a remote system of the same name. It is a world blanketed by snow and ice.

Hoth Schmoth. That place has nothing on New Jersey. We were hammered with a major blizzard last night. A state of emergency has been declared. The word is that New York City is also buried but I haven't been able to get there to confirm. I couldn't get to work and since I'm only a consultant—not a full time employee—I won't be paid for today. They'd better get this mess cleaned up. I don't want to miss another day of work. Also, I have tickets to an off-Broadway dark comedy/drama about a dysfunctional family starring Ethan Hawke and I don't want to eat the tickets.

Here are the drifts that were right outside our door. It's as though I moved to Colorado overnight, for cryin' out loud!

I had to dig us out. This photo has a soft blur to it because Mrs. Wife took it from the warm side of our windowed storm door. It's the most snow I've ever cleared in a single session. I popped my earbuds in, cued up Sandinista! by the Clash and got the job done. It was easy! It only took a four hours.

Daughter came out and "helped" me shovel but, of course, it didn't last long. Her heart was in the right place but what 9-year old can resist the swansong of a deep snow drift?

This is the halfway point. Hour two. It was an astonishing amount of work. My neighbor in that house across the street owns a snow plow but in the nine years we've lived here he has never once offered to help clear my driveway or lend it to me. One time when I was stuck in the city, Mrs. Wife had to shovel the driveway. She had our then year-old daughter wrapped up in her stroller in the garage. After he finished his driveway, did he offer to help her? Nay. He did not.

I texted this photo to a friend of mine who lives in a tony apartment in Tribeca. I wanted him to see what moving to the suburbs could lead to. He texted me back from the warmth of the Dominican Republic, having escaped the city just before JFK was shut down. He was en rout to a small island in the Mediterranean with his heartbreakingly beautiful/smart Dominican girlfriend.

I will conclude this post without further comment.


Anonymous nursemyra said...

Does it help at all if I tell you that it's raining in Sydney today?

December 27, 2010 at 4:59 PM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Word on the streets is that London is getting it next week.

I love the snow, but hate the chaos it brings to cities. People can't cope with it round here.

December 27, 2010 at 5:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need this. What started as an april fool's joke at ThinkGeek was so popular that they now make Tauntaun Sleeping Bags. Without all the gooey-runny innerds...

December 27, 2010 at 5:27 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

I was snowed in in Brooklyn today! Magical...yet a pain in the ass. Like so many things here in the city!

December 27, 2010 at 5:55 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Nurse: No help at all, but thanks, anyway.

Jo: Pretty to look at, for sure, but a bitch to move about.

Daisy: I thought the guts were the fun (albeit, messy) part.

Leah: There's nothing more beautiful than a fresh blanket of snow on New York. Until it starts to melt, that is.

December 27, 2010 at 6:05 PM  
Blogger Here In Franklin said...

I hope Karma the Bitch bites your neighbor in the ass one day soon. We even had snow here--first white Christmas in 17 years. That snow better melt before Jan. 5--we're flying in that day and changing planes for a trip to England. Take care, will ya? :)

December 27, 2010 at 6:38 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

I hear ya! Blizzards are great fun for kids but a major pain in the ass for adults. Cuz everything shuts down and then the hard work of shovelling hits.

We are supposed to get a whole load of snow at the end of the week - probably more than 10" in two days. Means I will have to step up my visits to the chiropractor the following week. Ugh.

Hope it melts soon for you. Ours won't until April... :-\

December 27, 2010 at 7:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with Franklin on the Karma and Neighbor! I am so happy we have the neighbors we do. While J will complete 5 driveways in the winter months with his massive man snow-blower I always seem to reap the benefits....This is one of the reasons we will be spending a week in Florida(in 19 days)and only have to pay airfare.

December 27, 2010 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

HIF: No worries. It's going to be 50 on Saturday, believe it or not, so the airports will be clear long before you get here. London? So. Friggin'. Lucky. I'm jealous x 1,000.

Ponita: See above. It'll be gone by Saturday, thank god. Heard this one years ago: Do you know how you can tell you're an adult? Snow isn't fun anymore.

MT: Most of our neighbors are quite nice but that guy is a pain in the ass to everybody. J would have had my driveway cleared before I work up and had ribs ready by dinner.

December 27, 2010 at 8:40 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

The day after Christmas we woke up to rain! (YEAH!) It was like someone decided 'Christmas is over, the WHITE shall be gone'!

We can't handle snow here, rain we can do!

Beautiful pics my friend. :¬)

WV = 'Thermoblastnj'!

December 27, 2010 at 11:00 PM  
Blogger Eryl said...

Gosh, it's like Fargo. Our snow is melting and seeping in through the kitchen ceiling, I'm playing bucket chess.

December 28, 2010 at 11:19 AM  
Blogger Pearl said...

Wow! We've got a bit of snow here in Minneapolis as well, but we have a snowblower and while most of our neighbors have them as well, we always help clear the sidewalks and push people's cars out of the street.


December 28, 2010 at 11:27 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...


Eryl: Yes, a venerable winter wonderland. Fargo without the limbs being fed into a wood chipper.

Pearl: Can you please tell me why in God's name I don't have a snow blower? You would think that last winter would've taught me a valuable lesson, but oh, no. Not me!

December 28, 2010 at 12:22 PM  
Blogger Kono said...

I don't have much to shovel when it snows but when i do i shovel the little old lady's walk who lives next to me every time i do, i'd be plotting to get that shithead, maybe letting all the air out of his tires next snowstorm would teach him... and last February when we had Snowmagedon the only in the burgh that was open were Grocery stores and the bars.

December 28, 2010 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

Now it's your turn but my goodness you've got it bad and that 'aint good.
What a bad neighbour -it would serve him right if his rabbits died.
Don't break a leg.

December 28, 2010 at 6:36 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Kono: In addition to being selfish, he's also a racist. He's made horrifying remarks about our local Mexican populous. A bad seed.

Pat: Thankfully, he's not dangerous. Just rude. I've had dangerous neighbors when I lived in the city. That's much worse than simply rude.

December 28, 2010 at 10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you try using the Force?

December 29, 2010 at 2:54 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

kykn: Not yet but if I can get close enough I may employ the Vulcan nerve pinch.

December 29, 2010 at 6:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guess who got in one the last flight before JFK ground to a halt!
And guess who had to (help) dig out the car at 3.30am.
Gallant Jamaican gentleman with snow shovel...I love you!
But, hey! I'm here, I finally have my luggage and Brooklyn's my new home.

Now I need to catch up on zzz...
Your neighbour is pig,in my opinion.

December 29, 2010 at 8:15 PM  
Blogger Ellie said...

It's a common misconception that Coloradans are up to our necks year round. Colorado has more sunny days than Florida. There are many 60+ degree days in January & February. It's a veritable paradise.

Of course, they say we should brace ourselves for snow tonight.


December 29, 2010 at 8:33 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

MIT: I have been wondering and worried sick about you! Right into the belly of the beast! What luck. I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before. Glad you're save and not sleeping in an airport.

Ellie: I went for one of my handy-dandy stereotypes. Perhaps I should have said Buffalo?

December 30, 2010 at 6:26 AM  

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