The Unbearable Banishment: Not ALL of Manhattan is beautified

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Not ALL of Manhattan is beautified

New Yorkers constantly moan and complain about the sterilization of Manhattan. But I'm here to tell you that if you want to get that walking-down-a-dark-street-might-get-mugged good ole' days feeling again, there are still some pretty dark areas. Personally? I've had my fill.

Certain sections of 8th Avenue, particularly near the Port Authority bus station, are still kind of spooky and have spooky businesses lining the streets. Porn shops. Fortune tellers. Check cashing services. Lottery merchants. I recently passed this fine establishment on 8th and 38th. It's one-stop shopping for all your rockin' Saturday night party needs!

Liquor and chicken, baby. It doesn't get any better than that. I wonder which came first? Did the liquor store buy a fryer or did the fried chicken shack obtain a liquor license? Either way, it sounds like a real moneymaker to me. Next time I walk by I'll pick up a couple of thighs, a breast and a bottle of Captain Morgan. I really do love this dirty town.

* * *

Here's the bus driver who took us to the Orlando airport last week. He seemed like a pretty happy, normal dude. Helped us with our luggage. A regular Joe.

But his name isn't Joe. It's this:

Fantastic. That's not a bus driver name. That's a Bond villain. Or a 1970's porn star. Or the heartbreaker in a cheap soap opera.


Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Makes you wonder if it's his real name...

I'm not a fan of spooky places either. We have a few here in our little metropolis. I don't like walking outside anywhere downtown in the evening by myself.

March 31, 2011 at 6:56 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

I think it's the same the world over. There are places in our wee town that even a Glaswegian of notoriety wouldn't walk on his own!

BTW, my Real name is Clint Movethefuckawayfrommyfacenowcuntfeatures! I had to change it for passport purposes, don'tcha know. :¬)

March 31, 2011 at 7:25 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ponita: I thought about that but have decided his name actually is Rockland Steel. I wonder what his middle name is?

map: They'll never COMPLETELY eradicate the dodgy parts of a town. And thank heavens for it, I say. Did you get writers cramp when signing your "real" name?

March 31, 2011 at 7:43 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

Rockland? Rockland Steel? That's where he ended up? After that night in Tintagel, i was about to throw myself from a cliff into the crashing surf... he appeared, as if from the sheer face of the jagged rock. Grabbing me around my bodice-clad waist at the last second. Calming my fears, silencing my demons, and taking me in a way i'd never been taken before. He made me a woman...

Driving a bus? At Disney? Fuck. Just goes to show you... oh, and the middle name? Blue.

March 31, 2011 at 9:46 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Stainless? ;-)

March 31, 2011 at 10:38 PM  
Blogger tennysoneehemingway said...

You see, now Rockland Steel is only a name you'd find in the States. Of course, you might find it the name of a steelworks or something over here but, not someone's name. That's because, unlike your good selves, we aren't awesome. That 'awesome' needs to be read in a John Stewart pretend to be gay voice.

March 31, 2011 at 11:18 PM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

definitely a porn star name

April 1, 2011 at 3:47 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

Yes I think Mapstew is right. We were in Cheltenham some time back at a literature festival and chatting to a bobbie - as one does - he said: 'You wouldn't want to be in the town of a Saturday night.

April 1, 2011 at 5:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like Daisyfae's response. ;-)

April 1, 2011 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger kyknoord said...

I knew his cousin, Thoushaltnot.

April 1, 2011 at 6:51 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

daisy: My Lord! I'm on my way in to the city and work up the guy sitting next to me with my loud bark of a laugh! Well played, my dear.

Hem: Excellent point. It IS very American, isn't it? A name you would only find in the U.S. OR a Hemingway novel. I hope it's real. It's got to be.

nurse: That's where my mind went, too. Hummm.

Pat: Disney opened a perfectly planned community in Florida called Celebration. Last year they had their first murder. You can't escape it.

MIT: Right! That was my first laugh of the day.

kykn: Did he also drive a motor coach (fancy name for a bus).

April 1, 2011 at 7:29 AM  
Blogger Kono said...

I'm sure this comes as no surprise, but i think i'd feel right at home there.

April 1, 2011 at 8:31 AM  
Blogger Kono said...

me and these multiple comments, besides fried chicken and liquor are two of my favorite things.

April 1, 2011 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger Sausage said...

Liquor and chicken in NYC...
sounds like my kind of place..

April 1, 2011 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

kono and Sausage: Is there anything better than an ice cold beer and a plate of fried chicken with a side of greens or corn on the cob?

No, there is not.

April 1, 2011 at 2:57 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

@kono, sausage and t.u.b - yes, there is something better than fried chicken and liquor. it's a bus driver named "Rockland Steel"... [swoons, falling over footstool, and breaking femur due to advanced osteoporosis]

April 1, 2011 at 8:49 PM  
Blogger LẌ said...

Wasn't Rockland Steel one of those "too big to fail" recipients of Obama's bailout a couple of years ago?

April 1, 2011 at 9:19 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

daisy: Sadly, the older I get the better fried chicken and beer looks.

xl: Yes! I think he owns the bus.

April 1, 2011 at 9:34 PM  
Blogger J Curtis said...

Liquor and chicken, baby. It doesn't get any better than that

Now thats what I call one stop shopping.

April 3, 2011 at 9:39 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home