The Unbearable Banishment: You paid <i><b>how much?!</i></b>

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

You paid how much?!

I posted the prices realized from this week's contemporary art auction at Christie's. You're not going to believe your eyes. Expectations were exceeded. In come cases, by many multiples. Buckle up and scroll down.

*     *     *

I'm flying to Las Vegas early Saturday morning. Lots of guys go there to visit strip clubs and chase young tail. Some guys drink themselves into a blind stupor. Some queue up at the buffet and stuff themselves like horses at a bottomless trough. Some twist towels and jam them into the bottom of hotel doors, fire up a bong and smoke themselves into an anesthetized oblivion. Some mix a toxic cocktail using all of the above. Those are not my vices. The only real danger I pose to myself is when I'm bellied-up to a craps table. I like shooting craps. A lot. Can I maintain my composure? Well, that's the name of the game, isn't it?

Will try to post a dispatch from the road. Yo eleven!


Anonymous dinahmow said...

You high roller, you! Don't spend your winnings at Christies!

May 10, 2012 at 1:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have a great time... and hope you stray from the straight and narrow only in a harmless way.

May 10, 2012 at 5:56 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

dinah: Oh brother! Did I give that impression?! I can assure you that I'm no high roller. High rollers all boast about their "comps." Free stuff. Meals. Rooms. Limo service. Show tickets. Here's the dirty secret about high rollers: the biggest comps go to the biggest losers. Noting is for free in that town.

looby: Thanks. What could possibly go wrong?

May 10, 2012 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger savannah said...

ALONE???? jaysus, i am soooo putting your blog on the banned list for the MITM! don't want you young whippersnappers giving an old man any ideas, sugar! :~) xoxoxo

(OK, for the uniformed or those unknown to me, I AM KIDDING.)

xoxoxoxox just because.

May 10, 2012 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

sav: If by "alone" you mean by myself, no. Just some guys. It's Camp Testosterone. No wives. No blessed children. No girlfriends. [Gee...when I reread this it sounds kind of gay! Well, there's none of that, either.]

May 10, 2012 at 9:51 AM  
Blogger Kono said...

The only thing i wouldn't do on that trip is play craps... or the buffet, then again that depends on how much of the ganja i inhale, so ok to the buffet but no to chasing young tail, to much of a headache, besides it's Vegas and if i get real lonely i can rent a date for a few hours... have a good trip.

May 10, 2012 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

kono: Our motto at Camp Testosterone is: "No women unless you buy 'em," which is a big joke because we're all just a bunch of pencil-pushers and wouldn't know what to do if we had one. I agree that young tail is not worth the headache they cause. If that's not sad commentary on advanced age, I don't know what is.

May 10, 2012 at 11:18 AM  
Anonymous Sid said...

I went to a Michael Buble concert recent. It was held at the Grand West Casino. I walked around the casino and watched people play the slot machines. I don't really get the appeal of slot machines. It seems rather mind numbing. A sport for poor ppl. If I were ever to gamble, I think I'd try my hand at blackjack or poker or something with SOME skill involved.

Also unsure of what craps is ...

May 10, 2012 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Sid: Craps is a (potentially) destructively addictive game involving two dice and a long table with green felt. It's best that you never familiarize yourself with it. It's a slippery slope.

I don't want to sound snobbish but slots are for old ladies and lazy people.

May 10, 2012 at 1:56 PM  
Blogger Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

I can not believe those prices.

What on earth makes people do such crazy things. if they really like a painting, you can get a superb reproduction at a tiny fraction of the price and hang that on you wall.

You're going to Las Vegas.

You're going to Las Vegas and you live in New Jersey.

You're going to Las Vegas, you live in New Jersey and you're going to shoot craps.

Bada Bing.

May 10, 2012 at 2:20 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

go play penny slots long enough to get some free beers. stuff 'em in your pockets or man-purse. then go out and watch the Bellagio fountain for a few hours. best free show in vegas...

i also like to play a game called "Pro-Am". if you can stay up late enough, watch the girls in party clothes. try to guess if they're 'pros' or 'amateurs'. usually the amateurs are women in wedding parties trying to skank it up for the Facebook photo moments. i can usually tell the difference - the pros know how to walk in those shoes...

May 11, 2012 at 12:45 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

I was told by two Scottish ladies who were seasoned travellers that Las Vegas was the most fun ever and have always wanted to see for myself.
Looking forward to hearing your take on it.
Be good.

May 11, 2012 at 5:00 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

TSB: I thought the $87B was particularly galling. Wealthy = crazy. It's a fact! To your other point, yes, I can drive :90 minutes down the Garden State Parkway and be in Atlantic City. One wonders why I would fly five hours to do, basically, the exact same thing. It's probably best not to dwell on these suppositions.

daisy: Penny slots are an insult to what last traces of manhood I have left. The Pro-Am invitationals usually take place at nightclubs and I will not be visiting any clubs. It's not my scene.

Pat: Las Vegas isn't to everyone's liking, but it should be seen at least once. Actually, New York can fit the same description. I will be as good as gold.

May 11, 2012 at 8:31 AM  

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