The Unbearable Banishment: Cool cat, looking for a kitty

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Cool cat, looking for a kitty

Take a look at this hot mess:

There’s no heat like midtown Manhattan heat. The glass skyscrapers reflect the sunlight down onto the sidewalk and cook your ass. Underground, the air conditioned subways suck all the hot air out of the cars, expel it into the stations and back out onto the street. If you walk over a sidewalk grate as a train is pulling into a station, you'll be treated to a blast of hot air up your pant leg (or skirt). Add generous gulps of bus and taxi exhaust and, dammit, you feel alive. On my lunch hour, I’m going to Central Park to watch the carriage horses pass out onto 59th Street.

The only remedy is this…

An option not available to poor, working class stiffs like your humble author.

*     *     *

It’s summer intern season here at the financial institution I work at. I love the summer interns. They’re so bright and enthusiastic. They radiate life and youth. Up to this point, their whole world has been the vacuum of academia. They have zero real-world experience. Perhaps a summer job here or there, but nothing relevant. We were showing off a certain piece of software's more efficient properties to one eager, red suspendered, young buck and he excitedly said, “That is so money!” He used “money” as an adjective. It made my molars grind but I didn’t say anything. He could end up being my boss one day.

There’s a specific type of young gun who makes it through the vetting process and is selected to intern. They’re excellent students from top-tier schools who, for the most part, have never heard the word “no.” They've never suffered a broken heart. And I'm not talking about a twee, adolescent, Hallmark greeting card college romance. (True! Love! Always!) I mean an adult haymaker, like a divorce or wayward spouse. They’ve never experienced a significant personal or professional setback. Life’s been grand! I’m cordial but I don’t say much to them. I wouldn’t want to spoil any of the surprises that are just around the corner.


Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Despite this being the first day of summer... we had warmer weather in March [which was highly unusual but oh, so pleasant!]. It is 16C/61F right now, overcast and rain is on the way - yet again. Although I don't like the metro heat of big cities (I've been in Toronto in the middle of a summer heat wave), I sure like the sun and heat we usually get here in the Centre of Canada. Bring it on, I say! *stifles a sob*

What!?! You don't want to educate those pristine interns about the Realities of Life??? You might be doing them a favour to illuminate them now so they won't be so shell shocked when all goes to hell in a handbasket later on in their existences. Then again, they probably wouldn't believe you anyway.

Enjoy Central Park!

June 20, 2012 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger savannah said...

I wouldn’t want to spoil any of the surprises that are just around the corner.

exactly, sugar! why shouldn't they get kicked around, stepped on and have every bit of joy pressed out of their sweet little lives? damn kids ;~) xoxoxoxox

June 20, 2012 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ponita: Nobody warned me! Why should I give them more advantages that the ones they were already born with? Let it all unfold like a beautiful flower.

Sav: When you put it like that you make me sound like a bitter old sod.


June 20, 2012 at 1:41 PM  
Blogger Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

I can't stand the effects of cities and high temperatures. The worst was Bangkok at a temp of 34ºC (about 94ºF)It felt like walking through a vat of hot grease.

Do you mean to say that you have to PAY to get on that beach?

I don't think that's legal down here in NZ. It's against the law (at the moment) to block access to the beach/foreshore or sea.

Yiu have to organise some sort of real-life experience for these lovely bubbly kids. Why not a fake dismissal, or demotion to cleaning out the toilets. Add a couple of phoney letters telling them they've got syphillis, that'll bring the young sods down to earth.

June 20, 2012 at 2:21 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

i was there in that heat with the yummy nursemyra last summer. melted/sweated off all of the booze i drank that week...

agree that we should enjoy watching the shiny young interns and not bust those bubbles. and when they bring us tales of woe - a professional or personal hangnail given the scale of what lies ahead - we should try to be kind. laughing loudly and saying "That's it? That's all you got? Try raising a teenage boy! Let's talk about losing lock on a 25 year marriage! Burying parents!"

June 20, 2012 at 10:42 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

But the upside is they can regard you as a worldly-wise, sophisticated sage and - metaphoriacally - kneel at your feet.
How do you combat the heat? Are deodorants used in New York these days?
When I was there in 1970 I was told they weren't.

June 21, 2012 at 7:00 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

TSB: Actually, we DO pay to get on the beaches. I resented it when I first moved to New Jersey. What right do they have?! God gave the beaches to everyone! But then I realized that the funds collected go towards sand replenishment, raking and cleaning up from all the pigs who leave litter on the beach. So it's money well spent. And it's not cripplingly expensive. I laughed like hell at your syphilis comment. Well done, sir.

daisy: Has it been a year already? My goodness. I remember when you guys were here in the middle of a heat wave. I felt kind of bad. I wanted your trip to be perfect and it was just sweltering. You should both come back soon.

Pat: No worry about odors. We are a clean bunch. And the internes do no appear to see me as worldly-wise or sophisticated. More like broken down and past him prime.

June 21, 2012 at 7:05 AM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

I'm always pining to come back to New York..... I can take the heat baby

June 21, 2012 at 7:10 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

nurse: Yes, I'll bet you can.

June 21, 2012 at 7:27 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

Money as an adjective. I am mulling it over as to whether or not it will take a place in my daily vernacular. Maybe in a sales meeting. "You and your team will really find our software to be much more money than the competitors."

June 21, 2012 at 11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's becoming more and more a young person's world -- that's what bothers me about them. They agree more.

June 21, 2012 at 5:27 PM  
Anonymous alonewithcats said...

Yep. Kids use "money" as an adjective now. They also spell "hot" with two T's. I thought you should know, considering the heat wave.

June 21, 2012 at 6:49 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ellie: Does "shake your moneymaker" qualify as a verb?

Looby: And the older I get, the more of a young person's world it becomes. I have an impending birthday and don't like it one bit. Growing old sucks x10.

AWC: I have also seen hot spelled "hawt." it boggles the mind.

June 21, 2012 at 8:00 PM  
Blogger Kono said...

This post was money... i treat all co-workers the same, be they full-time, part time, temps... growl, scowl and laugh like a lunatic, then i never have to worry about conversation.

June 22, 2012 at 8:33 AM  

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