The Unbearable Banishment: Mish mash mosh

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Mish mash mosh

There's a lot of mush slopping around inside my head but none of it feels worthy of fleshing out for an individual post. On Abbey Road, The Beatles took several half-finished song fragments and turned them into what is now considered a medley masterpiece. I'm going to co-opt that idea and maybe make one halfway entertaining post out of a bunch of flotsam and jetsam.

*     *     *

Is there a handy guy or gal out there who can give me some painting tips? Why is this always happening to me?

WHY IS IT that when I pull off the painter's masking tape, it takes some of the paint with it? I wait 24 hours until it's dry but it still happens every single time.

I thought this shit was supposed to be super non-adhesive to prevent this sort of thing from happening? I always end up with a lot of extra touch-up work when any normal handy guy or gal would be done. It's annoying.

*     *     *

Fashion catastrophe #1.

This is bad, right? You shouldn't wear socks with sandals. And isn't wearing socks that color-coordinate with your sandals just adding insult to injury? I showed this to my friend and he said that no man, under any circumstances, should wear sandals in the first place. [Sheepishly admits to owning sandals.]

*     *     *

Rooting for the New York Yankees to win is like rooting for Goldman Sachs to post record profits in the third quarter.

*     *     *

Do you remember the Wantologist nonsense from the previous post? Well, here's another winning profession courtesy of, once again, the idiot features editor of The New York Times.

Lynsey Stone [already the "unique" spelling of her first name tells me what direction we're headed in] has morphed from ordinary photographer to a Birth Photographer. A Birth Photographer will rush to the hospital when a woman has dilated six centimeters. There's a growing demand to capture the blessed moment when the baby first appears and share those photos (where else?) on Facebook. The photos have to have artistic merit. Mere snapshots are inadequate.

A woman in Long Beach, California shelled out $1,895 to have the birth of her child documented. Quoteth her: "That moment when both my husband and I look to see what the sex is? That's something that I want to see happen." Can you imagine being married to that? The Birth Photographer interviewed spoke of "Divas" who insist that their faces be depicted from certain flattering angles.

I remember when I was in the delivery room when Daughter #2 arrived. During the labor, I whispered gently into Mrs. Wife's ear, "You're doing great. Breath." She looked over to me and said, "Will you shut up!?" No diva, she!

*     *     *

Fashion catastrophe #2.

I was waiting for my transport back to New Jersey after a long day in the salt mines and noticed a BIG spot on a shirt collar in front of me.

I zoomed in and saw that this guy had never removed the sales label.

Van Heusen classic fit. 17 34/35. What can we surmise? First, this guy isn't married. No wife would allow her husband to step out of the house looking like this. Also, I think we can assume that he's not very well liked at work. Shouldn't one of his colleagues tell him? I refuse to believe that nobody noticed. Now, that's just mean!

*     *     *

This is from when I flew over the snow-capped Rocky Mountains on my way to Las Vegas.

A good friend of mine recently pointed out that my Las Vegas trip was a month ago to the day. Is that all? It seems much, much longer than just a month. Time bends to its own will. Not yours.


Anonymous dinahmow said...

In a writing class, sometimes ideas were suggested, but very few ever came up with stuff this good.Brevity, with just that soupcon of the ridiculous.

2 grand for a photo of a wrinkled sprog? Pass me a polaroid!

June 17, 2012 at 4:01 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

The only thing I can think of for the paint peeling off with the tape is that there are two different types of paint on the wall and the top layers isn't well adhered to the previous stuff. Like if you put latex paint on an oil based paint, this can happen. Sorry.

Re: the sandals? Socks in sandals is bad. Men wearing sandals is not. Why should men have to wear shoes in the heat of summer??? Take about having hot paws! Yikes! Just be fashionably cool and ditch the socks... THAT is the real fashion faux pas. (So ignore that friend of yours, and wear those sandals.)

My dad took photos of me being born. Obviously, he was way ahead of his time! Very unusual in the 50's for a dad to be present at his kid's birth, and even more unusual to turn it into a photo op.

Nice mish mash, by the way. I like this smattering of things in one post.

Love the mountain shot too. They are so amazingly awesome when seen from above.

June 17, 2012 at 4:12 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

dinah: You'll need more than a Polaroid. They require the proper mood lighting. And thanks for your kind words. What a pal!

Ponita: In another lifetime (i.e., my 20s) I used to care quite a lot about how I dressed. Today, comfort is king, for me! I proudly wear my sandals. WITHOUT socks, though. You da was a RENAISSANCE MAN. I felt like a spec flying over the mountains. So beautiful.

June 17, 2012 at 4:18 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

I like mish/mash/mosh's!

Don't use masking tape! Use a decent size brush and steady your hand, you'll get better at it very quickly, I believe in you! (I used to be a decorator in a previous life, and it was always much quicker this way.)

Sandals? Bare feet is the way my friend! :¬)

June 17, 2012 at 5:02 PM  
Anonymous alonewithcat said...

I bet most people don't fully realize that they want a birth photographer until consulting with a wantologist first.

June 17, 2012 at 5:20 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Actually, UB, Map is right... don't use tape. I rarely do, these days, and have found that using a "styletto" brush is the cat's ass when it comes to cutting in freehand. It's all I use these days. Check out this link: styletto paint brush

June 17, 2012 at 5:33 PM  
Blogger savannah said...

i LOVE the mish mash mosh posts!

re painter's tape, i peel it off almost immediately, 15-20 mins max. map is right about a good brush and cutting in, but i've found that unless you do a LOT of painting and/or practice, tape's a hellva lot easier.

good for you re sandals. around here, it's flip flops as as the sun shines and the temps are over 75!


June 17, 2012 at 5:49 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

Hey Pon! Hey sav! :¬)

June 17, 2012 at 6:16 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Hiya, Map! :-D

June 17, 2012 at 6:33 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

And hey to Savannah!!

June 17, 2012 at 6:34 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

Hey UB, where's the drinks & nibbles, you got company man! :¬)

June 17, 2012 at 6:38 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

All my peeps! I got the chips, I got the music, I got the spirits and festive hats. Party in the U.S.A.!

"A drink for my friends!" (Can anyone name that quote?)

June 17, 2012 at 7:31 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Party at UB's!! Yeehaw!!!

Can't name the quote but I bet it took place in a bar scene. Just guessing... :-D

June 17, 2012 at 7:46 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

'Barfly'? (A drink for ALL my friends!) :¬/ hic!

June 17, 2012 at 7:51 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Map! 100% correct! You're the best!

June 17, 2012 at 8:20 PM  
Blogger Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Painter's masking tape...there are different types, but in general take the tape off as soon as you can after the paint has skinned, about a couple of hours. You can also yous 7 day tape which has a lighter adhesive.

Sandals OK (on the beach). I thought it was only the English who created such style disasters.

Birth photographer?
Which bloody woman in their right mind would want a picture of that!!

Serve them right if they published under the caption, "Look at this c*nt"

BTW, my wife said the same thing to me at the birth (18 hours in labour) of our first child. She also screamed soemthing about it being "All your bloody fault"

June 17, 2012 at 8:49 PM  
Blogger savannah said...


i love great parties and great parties are always with good friends! *raising my glass again!*


June 17, 2012 at 10:34 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

I'm with Mrs Wife. No-one was allowed at the birth but the doc and mid-wife. Not my rules -that's how it was.
And as for looking to see what sex it was - all I could do was flop back on the pillows and thank Heaven it was all over.
And then I had the stitches sans local.
Too erly in the day for Horror stories.

June 18, 2012 at 3:17 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

TSB: Who knew there were different types?! Nobody taught me this stuff. I mean no disrespect to my female readers but I agree with you. It's not something I need to see again. And post it to Facebook?! Our demented planet.

Sav: Remember: these festivities brought to you via our friends who invented the internet. Did you imagine such a thing when you were younger? Pretty amazing stuff.

Pat: I think a lot of these high-minded photo aspirations are out the window once those painful contractions begin.

June 18, 2012 at 6:58 AM  
Blogger Joe Jubinville said...

I think wives just stop noticing. I’m amazed at some of the husbands I see with grotesque outcroppings of under-jaw hair that they missed while shaving. And the wives are right there, talking and smiling, as if everything is normal.

Black socks with sandals is and edgy street fashion now. I can't make that leap but...

" man, under any circumstances, should wear sandals."


June 18, 2012 at 9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice entertainment for my afternoon...thank you!

June 18, 2012 at 3:33 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Jeaux: Married men are generally slovenly. And the longer their married, the more slovenly them become. If a married man suddenly starts to clean himself up, he's probably having an affair. Is that true about the black socks and sandals? I sure hope so.

MT: As always, no charge.

June 18, 2012 at 4:16 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

sorry i'm late - you know i like a dramatic entrance...

sandals ok, without socks. oh, take care of the lint under your toenails first, please...

tape comes off JUST as the paint is set. i've tried going without tape, and can do it in some circumstances (ie: when i'm not on a ladder, crapping my shorts from fear of heights). you're leaving the tape on too long. now you know...

June 18, 2012 at 5:17 PM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

I love your mishmash. you should blog this way more often

June 18, 2012 at 5:18 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

daisy: What's late?! I put this up just yesterday. I tried painting without tape using a piece of cardboard against the seam. Fail.

Nurse: I should also publish a successful novel so I can stop commuting and working in a cube. Will get busy on both right away.

June 18, 2012 at 5:34 PM  
Blogger dinahmow said...

Well, now that Daisyfae's made her grand entrance(and allowing for my time zone) I'd love to come to the party. I'll even bring a coupla bottles of Jacobs Creek.

(Alonewithcats' comment--hahah!)

June 19, 2012 at 12:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He he... what an amusing pot pourri of mistakes. I don't like sandals on men either. It indicates that you've gone for practicality, and I think a certain pleasure in life is gone then.

There's another terrible mistake--rucksacks. More ugly a way of carrying your belongings in town has yet to be invented. You use an attache case, or a leather briefcase.

June 19, 2012 at 5:35 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

dinah: I had to Google Jacob's Creek. Yes! By all means! Bring a lot. There are quite of few mouths to feed.

looby: You can't beat sandals for comfort in the summer and when you no longer give a damn about making impressions, you go with what fits. It might be a sad reflection of practicality, but it's liberating.

June 19, 2012 at 7:07 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Shirt sticker guy might be married, and his wife just never looks at him. That can happen. I won't tell you how I know. But it's for sure no one likes him at work. Oh, and I agree with the cutting in by hand thing. I only usually only tape off trim that I don't intend to paint.

June 22, 2012 at 7:25 AM  
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November 10, 2012 at 1:31 PM  

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