The Unbearable Banishment: The holiday is over. Crankiness is back in vogue.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The holiday is over. Crankiness is back in vogue.

Just look at this hipster half-wit.

Manhattan is choking with guys like this. There were plenty of empty seats available. In fact, I was the only other person in the coffee shop. But he sat on the floor, displaying his maximum casual-cool, and yammered into his mobile at full-throated volume. ["Did you see what I wrote about her? Well...she said that thing about ME!"] I sat down at 6:50 a.m. to enjoy my morning cup of bad medicine and he went on in this manner until 7:45. Who spends an hour talking on a mobile phone?! My ear hurts after :10 minutes. Por qué? Por qué I ask you?! I know the answer. Because the universe is conspiring against me. Against humanity. But, like Christina Aguilera, I won't let it bring me down. I'll rise above the aggravation to the best of my ability.

Same coffee shop, different morning. Look at this poor old General. He bought one of those wedge devices that tilt your laptop keyboard towards you, making it easier to type, but he's using it backwards. So sad.

If he thought he had carpel tunnel before, just wait about six weeks. He won't be able to grip that coffee cup to his right.

*     *    *

I tried on two separate occasions to see Christian Marclay's award winning The Clock—once when it played in a Chelsea art gallery and again when it was at Lincoln Center. On both occasions, the lines were so long that I couldn't get in. It just started a six-week run at MoMA and I was finally successful.

The Clock is a movie that's 24 hours long. It's made from thousands of brief excerpts from movies dating back to the silent era. In each clip—some just a few seconds long, others a minute or two—a clock appears or a specific time is mentioned. It's either prominently displayed or somewhere in the background. The conceit is that the time displayed the movie is the exact time that you're watching the film. You can, literally, set your watch to the film. It's pretty brilliant stuff. As the scenes whiz by, you get to feel like a big smarty-pants if you can identify the movie clip. MoMA is sponsoring 24-hour screenings on the weekends.

*     *     *

We got 11-Year Old Daughter a phone. It's not a smart phone. She's too young for the internet. She can text and phone her friends. She is absolutely giddy over it. A fountain of happiness. Here's her first text message to me, sent while I was at work:

Do you know what I love about this? I love that she used "as well" instead of the more pedestrian (albeit, grammatically correct) "too." It sounds richer.


Blogger OldLady Of The Hills said...

That 24 hours thingy at MOMA sounds Wonderful and Torturous, ALL at the same time. It makes me wonder about why people do or 'create' the things they do? In a way, it sounds totally crazy---In another way...I will bring a Bag full if Sandwiches to keep my going in that 24 hours..(24 Hours???)

Love what your 11 year said in her text..."You, as well"...Perfect!

December 26, 2012 at 1:31 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

While I can't imagine sitting there for 24 hours, I have to admit that it was kind of hard to tear myself away. There's no end to it — it's just a big loop — but it's so fun to watch that it's difficult to stand up and walk out while it's still running. Really unique.

December 26, 2012 at 1:36 PM  
Blogger dinahmow said...

Sounds quirky.
And big-little-girl with her own phone? Her dog sends her daddy a text message. Sweet.

December 26, 2012 at 1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There will always be Hipster Douchwits and Elder Halfwits to make us feel simultaneously better AND worse about life. The better? Schadenfreude...

So the dog is texting you. Has a cat ever sent you a text? i think not...

December 26, 2012 at 4:21 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

A cat would expect a text from you! Without delay, no less! My daughter is still trying to sell me on this dog but I just don't think it's going to happen. I'm not cut out for the responsibilities of canine ownership.

December 26, 2012 at 4:34 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

It is quirky, but I liked it a lot. It took forever for me to finally see it. It could have been a terrible disappointment but it met my expectations. How often does THAT happen!?

December 26, 2012 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

People were queuing to see a 24-hour movie? Were they carrying their own urine bags or wearing nappies? I would guess movie scenes where the time is given are pretty forgettable. There are surely exceptions which I cannot think of.

December 26, 2012 at 7:10 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

There are people who claim to have seen all 24 hours, but the room didn't smell bad so who knows how they pulled it off.

One obvious, unforgettable scene is in the classic Gary Cooper cowboy yarn High Noon, which they use to dramatic effect.

December 26, 2012 at 7:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re the hipster (or as we call them in Lancashire, "dickhead")--it's up to the management to tell him to talk more quietly, and to sit properly. If people have to be treated like children then so be it.

Do you know, I wish he would come to Lancaster and behave like that. He's get his fucking head kicked in.

And on that seasonal note of bonhomie... :)

December 27, 2012 at 5:25 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Where is the threshold between live-and-let-live and you're annoying the piss out if me? It's a moveable line depending on the weather, my mood, the angle of the sun and time of day. But on this particular morning, that threshold was crossed. My charity towards my fellow man violated.

December 27, 2012 at 7:20 AM  
Blogger Eryl said...

Hope you had a good one, Mr, and Santa provided.

It's considered cool to sit on the floor in a cafe in New York? I love the peculiarity of trends.

Happy next year.

December 28, 2012 at 6:04 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Happy Next Year to you, as well! This is the first time I've ever seen anyone sit on the floor of a coffee shop. Once does not a trend make. Who sits on the floor in New York?! They're filthy!

Santa bought himself an iPhone 5 for Christmas.

December 28, 2012 at 7:22 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

Would it be infra dig to show the old man how to use it?
Great you found the right present for your daughter and, as expected, a love affair is developing twixt you and Coco:)

December 29, 2012 at 6:01 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

I was overwhelmed with the holiday spirit and thought about helping The General with his computer but it looked to me as though he didn't want to be bothered. He was typing with an angry vengeance so I left him alone.

December 29, 2012 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

I am laughing my ass off at The General. He is so intense and I love his red hat. Gettin' into the Christmas spirit I see.

December 30, 2012 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Hi there! I felt kind of bad but he didn't appear all that approachable. You should never poke a bear with a sharp stick.

December 30, 2012 at 10:50 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I've got a pain in my back just looking at the General. Oh, the poor love. I feel for his spine.

December 30, 2012 at 2:17 PM  
Blogger Ellie said...

Oh, dear, bless the general. It is sad. (pretty much 'what jo said'

Love the message from Coco (as well).

December 30, 2012 at 5:47 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ha. I see what you did there.

December 30, 2012 at 8:16 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

'as well' is SO Irish! :¬)

December 30, 2012 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Of course it is! The Irish are masters of the written word. Everybody knows that.

December 30, 2012 at 9:20 PM  
Blogger savannah said...

sweet jesus, didn't i leave a comment here? have i been that sauced this week????? ;) xoxoxox i love your daughter, sugar!

December 31, 2012 at 11:11 AM  

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