The Unbearable Banishment: Bits

Friday, May 9, 2008


During a recent office luncheon, we were all asked, given the choice, what superpower we would like to have. I volunteered to go first and said that I would like to have the superpower of never needing sleep. Can you imagine! I'm Wide-Awake Man! You could live the equivalent of two lifetimes. I thought I was being creative. I thought that choosing flight or invisibility or the ability to see through a pretty girl's clothing, although quite useful, was too obvious and lacked originality. I wanted to prove to a room full of investment bankers how clever I could be.

Each and every person after me picked something that would benefit mankind. The ability to end war. Cure disease. Eliminate hunger. What a bunch of losers. Seriously! If you were given the choice of any superpower you wanted, why would you waste it on something stupid like that? Boy, I showed them.

* * *

Cell phones are here to stay. They are permanently weaved into the fabric of society and people are going to abuse them. That's never gong to change, so I need to just get over it. When something gets under my skin, I don't pussyfoot around. I make stewing about it part of my every waking moment. Otherwise, why bother? In my defense, if you had to put up with as much cell phone nonsense as I do, you'd be driven mad as well.

* * *

Take it from me, no matter how many times you do it, you never get use to spending $10 for lunch. It costs me upwards of $200 per month for a sandwich, bag of sea salt chips (crisps, for my UK readers) and a bottle of water every day. Awful.

* * *

I love the tourists. I really do. They are a vital part of the city's economy and a constant reminder that I am lucky enough to live in a place where people like to visit for vacation. There isn't a tourism office where I grew up in Cleveland, so I know the difference between the two environments and this is definitely more to my liking. But, JESUS CHRIST they're overrunning my city! Because of the pitifully weak dollar (thank you, Mr. President, for fucking-up our currency on the world market), the city is choked with British and European tourists. You have to wait in line to walk up Fifth Avenue, for cryin' out loud. And it's only going to get worse as the weather improves. Other than that, they're great.


Blogger monyaka_a said...

Uncle Mark:

Your blog is so amusing that I almost spouted all of my iced chai out of my mouth and onto my keyboard.

I am at a coffee shop which has signs reminding customers to be sustainable and use mugs instead of disposable cups. I think that's great, but it is less great when the signs are posted on every wall, window, and table.


May 12, 2008 at 3:45 PM  

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