The Unbearable Banishment: unbearable for the prosecution

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

unbearable for the prosecution

Regular readers (both of you) will remember that way back in October, I had a credit card stolen out of my gym locker. I subsequently identified the thief in my first and only authentic New York City police precinct line-up. Read about it here. It’s one of my better posts.

October is a long time ago and I thought the issue had been settled. This evening I got a call from the New York City District Attorney’s office. I’ve been subpoenaed to testify before a Grand Jury on Tuesday morning. According to the subpoena, my testimony “is vital to the case.”

The thief, as it turned out, was a member of the Albanian mob. That made me laugh. Who knew that the Albanians had a mob!? It doesn’t seem too damn funny now. I spoke to an Assistant District Attorney and asked him if I would be safe. He assured me that Grand Jury testimonies are sealed and not released to the public. “Besides,” he said, “retributions only ever happen in domestic violence cases.”

Well, that's a big comfort. At least I should get a decent post out of it. How many people get to testify in front of a Grand Jury in New York City!? How many people would want to?


14 Comments:

OpenID daisyfae said...

you should wear a disguise. dress as marlon brando in last tango in paris. guaranteed. no one will fuck with you....

February 18, 2009 at 1:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hhmm...worried for you and at the same time what an experience to have!
Good for you for speaking up maybe some scum will be put away!
MT

February 18, 2009 at 6:37 AM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

Wow, you're like an extra in the Sopranos.

I'm rewatching all of the Sopranos on my iPod on the bus into work and back every day. Makes the trip much more bearable...

Did I hit you up yet to sign on for my interview project? Bloggers interviewing other bloggers for the glory of blogdom? Come check it out...

February 18, 2009 at 6:48 AM  
Anonymous nuttycow said...

Wear a paper bag over your head. Or a wig. Or... your trousers backwards. No one will recognise you that way.

February 18, 2009 at 7:06 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

daisy: What if I dressed like a girl? What if I liked it?

MT: As you know very well, I am no hero and am best at running away.

AFM: This is getting a little too real for me. I prefer to WATCH a crime drama, not be part of one.

nutty: "Wear your trousers backwards" made me laugh out loud. You're so funny!

February 18, 2009 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

VIDEO BLOG IT! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah, it'll be like Jerry Maguire!

Or Ally McBeal

or...Judge Judy??

February 18, 2009 at 12:43 PM  
OpenID anniegirl1138 said...

Okay, but just remember what happens to people who testify against mobsters - even low rent ones who prowl locker rooms.

February 18, 2009 at 3:16 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

jo: I didn't know that Judge Judy had made its way across the pond. So sorry to hear that it did. Yet another dose of American crap for you nice British folks. More to come, I'm sure.

annie: That's EXACTLY what's in my head! How well organized are they? Not too, I hope.

February 18, 2009 at 3:22 PM  
Blogger Let's Kill Saturday Night said...

Good luck !

February 18, 2009 at 5:51 PM  
Anonymous Rob said...

retributions only ever happen in domestic violence cases

....you didn't let him finish the sentence.....

"oh yeah, and in mob cases, especially the Albanian mob."

Seriously, good luck delivering your "vital testimony".

Signed,
One of your Two Readers.

February 18, 2009 at 8:32 PM  
Blogger Pearl said...

It'll be a great post, though...
Pearl

February 18, 2009 at 9:23 PM  
Blogger Jon said...

I am utterly astonished that these things happen to you. Should I be impressed that my friend leads such a colorful life or should I be shitting my pants next time I come up to NYC because this is just an example of the odds playing out?

Mind.

Blown.

February 20, 2009 at 7:53 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

LKSN: Thanks. I’ll need it.

Rob: Thanks for filling in the blank. I’d call you a shithead but I don’t want to alienate half my reading audience.

Pearl: Can I make any money off the post?

Jon: These sorts of things happy to ANYONE who lives/works in NYC. You should know that!

February 20, 2009 at 10:26 AM  
OpenID popomaticjeff.com said...

Yikes! Good luck.

February 22, 2009 at 9:52 AM  

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