The Unbearable Banishment: more cell phone jammer mischief

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

more cell phone jammer mischief

The guy sitting behind me on my train called his bookie and was placing bets on tonight’s baseball games. Loud and clear for all to hear! I’m not making this up! $200 on the Red Sox. $150 on the White Sox.

And that’s as far as he got. I gave him the juice.

I’ve seen people get angry over the inability to make a call but this guy exhibited a deep, primal rage you don’t see in public very often. He was desperate to get these bets in—it was 6:55 and the games start at 7:05—but try as he might he couldn’t get through to his bookie. I pictured one of Tony Soprano's Jersey goombahs on the other end.

He was furious. It was the first time I worried about retribution. Guys with that kind of deep commitment to gambling seem to have a very low threshold for anger. Have you noticed?

* * *

I have become a Zen master gunslinger with my cell phone jammer. I was toying with my prey du jour—yet another yappy sorority chippy—and I needed to send a quick text message. I held my jammer in my left hand underneath a paperback of Truman Capote short stories. My index finger rested gently on the power switch. Economy of movement is key. In my right hand, I tapped out a text message. Then, with one fluid motion, I clicked off the jammer with my left hand and opened a brief window in the cell phone frequencies, hit the send button on the phone in my right hand and quickly activated my jammer again after my message went through. The entire sequence took a matter of seconds.

It's a shame it's not an Olympic event.

* * *

Are you watching True Blood? It’s fantastic! It’s got everything! Graphic sex, well-crafted scripts and story lines, hot sex, superb acting (with some fine American accents being faked), lust! lust! lust!, vampires and gore galore and some pretty raw sex scenes. Plus, best of all, the villains are a bunch of right wing religious nuts. They're the REAL blood suckers!

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11 Comments:

Blogger sid said...

I just couldn't get into True Blood. Just couldn't make myself watch an entire episode.

June 24, 2009 at 6:29 AM  
Blogger JZ said...

So, what, I've been checking in with TUB daily for almost 4 months or so?....So much better than the local muckraking rags. So when do you start considering selling ad space to get your a$$ out of the offices of the evil empire and back with your kids? You could pull this off...I believe in you.

June 24, 2009 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Sid: The same thing happened to me with The Sopranos. At first I thought the characters were stereotypical and predictable. Then I took a second look and was hooked. Try again, please.

JZ: Welcome to the comments section! I am flattered and appreciate the compliment but I've already got one goddamn job and I don't want to turn blogging into another goddamn job, if you know what I mean. More importantly, my blog traffic is more of a trickle than a torrent. I doubt anyone would be willing to pony up some cash money.

June 24, 2009 at 8:53 AM  
OpenID anniegirl1138 said...

I so enjoy the jamming tales.

I haven't bothered to find a dvd of True Blood. It would just make me long more for Buffy.

June 24, 2009 at 10:27 AM  
Anonymous Nurse H said...

I love True Blood!!!! I want to be a fang banger

June 24, 2009 at 10:48 AM  
Anonymous popomatic Jeff said...

You sure have some jamming skills. Can you start videoing these jam sessions so we can all enjoy?

June 24, 2009 at 11:43 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

"Zen master gunslinger", eh?

Methinks you need a new moniker. Something along the lines of Rolande of Gilead (from Stephen's King Dark Tower series, much of which, it occurs to me now, is set in New York City).

I imagine you can make jamming as risky (to your general health and well being) as you'd like.

June 24, 2009 at 3:20 PM  
Blogger Ellie said...

How obvious could it be that you're jamming calls? I imagine it to be a very discreet tool

June 24, 2009 at 4:14 PM  
Blogger jason quinones said...

i think if i saw that guy getting too AGITATED i would just let him place his bets. a gambling junkie not getting his bets in could easily slip and go all postal on the train! then you and your fellow commuters would be just bloody puddles on the floor and sound bites on the news and then i'd have one less daily blog to read.

now why would you wanna do that to me????

HUGE FAN of true blood!!! the accents are amazing aren't they. i thought most of these actors really were southerners! anna paquin is gorgeous,although her character can be a bit dense sometimes. nice to see the lafayette character back.

still hoping he was turned and not made into lunch meat...

June 24, 2009 at 4:24 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Annie: If you think these tales are fun to read, you should see how fun they are to live through!

Nurse: I can TOTALLY see you as a fang banger.

Jeff: A video blog of someone throwing a tantrum would be great but I carry enough gadgets around already, thank you very much.

Rob: That was the only time I was scared. Most of the people I jam are old, soft cubical dwellers.

Elle: You’re right! I can easily hide it behind a paperback or a train table.

Jason: I like to shoot craps and if you want to see some intense anger, watch what happens when someone rolls a seven when there’s a ton of dough on the table. It’s not the shooter’s fault but they make him feel like it is.

June 24, 2009 at 5:04 PM  
Blogger Blues said...

I'm watching True Blood but I don't know how long I'll last. Sookie bugs the crap out of me. But other than that, I'm fairly into it.

July 7, 2009 at 3:55 PM  

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