Every food snob’s nightmare

Here in America, our friends at KFC have invented a new way to delight our taste buds and murder us en masse. Their new Double Down sandwich eschews bread as being tasteless filler. It places in your hands, two pieces of fried chicken with white American cheese, bacon and “Colonel’s sauce” (aka, mayonnaise) between them.

The New York Times, that bastion of food snobbery sent its restaurant critic, Sam Sifton, out to try one on its inaugural day. This is just a stupid stunt. What did they think he was going to write? That it was a satisfying meal? He had some pretty good lines, but his review wasn‘t surprising. He said the sandwich was…

…a new low: a greasy entree dish of chicken with bacon and cheese on it, slathered in sauce, that the company asks customers to eat with their hands. The chicken is watery within its soft casing of “crust,” the cheese familiar to anyone who has eaten food prepared by the United States government, the bacon chemical in its smokiness, the mayonnaise sauce tangy, salty, and sweet, all at once.

He went on to call the workers behind the counter “dour and slow moving.” Hey, Sam. Fuck you. Have you ever had to work in a fast food joint? Do you know what an insufferable, exhausting, soul-sucking experience it is? Sorry there's no maître d’ at the KFC, you little bitch. I hope a fast food employee gives you a proper ass-whupping. You deserve one.

He did concede that the fries “weren’t bad,” but in a final toss-off said the sandwich was “a disgusting meal, a must-to-avoid.” Why does this annoy me so much? I probably won’t ever eat one, but I might. I don’t mind crap food in controlled doses. But his condescending attitude got under my skin. Asshole.