The Unbearable Banishment: Cyanide would be quicker

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Cyanide would be quicker

Here's what I ate last Sunday:

Breakfast: Dunkin' Donuts + coffee

Lunch: Kentucky Fried Chicken
(Four piece meal. Finger lickin' good, my friends.)

Dinner: Domino's Pizza
(Sausage and mushroom action.)

Many, many Oreo cookies
(In the shape of little footballs).

I was on the road for breakfast and lunch but that's no excuse. I shouldn't treat my body like it's an open sewer.

* * *

Do you know what I've had for lunch over the past two weeks?

Tension.

I gave up my lofty professional aspirations and have settled into a groove of searching for an ordinary, full-time job with benefits for my family. (One man's groove is another man's rut but that's what it's come to, I'm afraid.) While I'm grateful that I've been gainfully employed during this horrifying recession, the fact is that I've been doing nothing but consulting work these past two years. It's dispiriting, to say the least.

SO. Here's my dilemma. Should I stay with a job I enjoy at a troubled company that might (or might not) offer a full-time position in September or go with an open-ended consulting gig at a healthy firm where there's no hope of a hire? Ever. Tell me what you think. I am EXHAUSTED from meditating on this. Do you know how if you work on something for a long time a painting or a piece of music or a blog post you become so saturated with it that you don't know what you're looking at anymore? I can't think straight with this decision.

If the recession has left you relatively unscathed, please realize how fortunate you are. Take a moment and feel good about that.

* * *

I found these two winter pics buried in my blog and I'm posting them in honor of our insane heat wave. This is Bryant Park in the wintertime. The trees are lit from underneath by the ice skating rink that goes up from November to February. The branches look metallic! If you look closely, you can see the Chrysler Building through the branches.


Here's the crown of the Empire State Building shining up onto a low, leaden, sullen winter sky.

25 Comments:

Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Perhaps you should stay with the one you like (to see if the possibility of a fulltime position is there in Sept.) but at the same time keep looking for another fulltime position with a healthy(er) company in the meantime. Given that you have a young family and that the US economy may never be as it was, having something more secure is probably the most logical way to go. But that's just my two cents' worth... for what it's worth.

The photos are lovely and I know what you mean about the heat wave. We've been having it too.

July 21, 2011 at 1:03 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

I would be partaking in plenty of stress eating myself if I were in that dilemma.
I think enjoying your work is extremely important. Think of a job you've had that you absolutely hated, that took a piece of your soul every day that you went in. You don't want to go back there do you?
Also, what is a healthy company these days? My brother-in-law has worked for a company whose imminent demise he has been predicting for the past 14years, and it is still chugging on.
On the other hand, I'm not gainfully employed so what the hell do I know?!

July 21, 2011 at 1:04 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

cyanide doesn't taste like oreos and KFC. go with the junk food...

July 21, 2011 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger lx said...

"full-time job with benefits for my family"

In this grim environment, that's the important thing.

July 21, 2011 at 1:54 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

I vote that you stay with the job that you like while searching for a permanent full-time job with benefits. Liking the place where you work is priceless.

July 21, 2011 at 2:00 PM  
Blogger sukipoet said...

ah, most refreshing to see a hint of winter. I felt cooler instantly.

You are an admirable man to consider the full time job with benefits for your family. Who knows what may evolve from it. So hard to weigh options but you have a lucky family.

The thing about making choices is, we can always alter the choice, make it work or backtrack if necessary. IE: a choice is not written in stone.

July 21, 2011 at 2:05 PM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

I see a huge helping of heart disease coming your way my friend. Now that really would be a waste of fine talent.

July 21, 2011 at 3:55 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ponita: But I'm afraid of an opportunity passing me by. There aren't that many these days.

Cat: Enjoying work has always been a luxury. For a lot of people! That I lucked onto this is rare. But I might have to bow down to reason and give it up.

daisy: Yes, I prefer the slow, pleasurable death over the instantaneous gut wrenching.

lx: I was out with nursemyra and daisyfae last night (more later) and, apparently, in Australia, they have (practically) free healthcare! Our country is so fucked up.

July 21, 2011 at 5:34 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Janet: But what if my current place blows up (a very real possibility)? I'll feel like a big douche bag for passing on this opportunity.

suki: You know what I need, don't you? A fully functional TIME MACHINE. Then I can investigate the new gig and backtrack if it doesn't work out. Or buy Google at $32 a share and gold at $50/oz.

Jimmy: But can you think of a better way to disease my heart? All of those meals were scrumptious. Especially the KFC.

July 21, 2011 at 5:47 PM  
Blogger Here In Franklin said...

We're relatively unscathed, but as a cancer survivor, I would definitely go with the benefits. Reliable insurance makes the unthinkable much more bearable. And you have enough "unbearable" shit to deal with already, right?

July 21, 2011 at 8:46 PM  
Blogger Mitzi G Burger said...

Yes, there's basically free-ish health care down here. The queues aren't too terrible. I hope you reach the right decision work-wise. I bet things will end up just fine.

July 22, 2011 at 3:10 AM  
Anonymous looby said...

My experience isn't transferable to the vastly difference circumstances of the US. I know I used to get a bit annoyed with people from a generation above me, who enjoyed one of the golden ages of British social security, with good pensions, long holidays, houses which had jumped up in value by multiples of their price, and so on, who never tired of telling me things like "You're young! You can do what you want! Don't put restrictions on yourself."

The only people who come out with stuff like this are those who are already financially secure. I just had to bite my lip in the end. There was no point in asking them how I was going to support three young daughters, and do all those mundane things like pay the mortgage and pay the bills, whilst I was blithely "pursuing my dreams" or other such New Age mumbo-jumbo.

So, er... I don't know. :) But good luck. Children change everything.

July 22, 2011 at 6:21 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

HIF: Boy, THAT'S a reality check! Mrs. Wife, The Daughters and I are all in fine health. What's better than that?!

Mitzi: I'm hoping that circumstances make a decision for me. That's the coward's way out but it's too much pressure. What if I take the wrong fork in the road? It's best left to chance. Right?

looby: Oh, I'm still chasing a dream. I've just redefined the dream. Hope the new dream is more obtainable than the old dream. That one didn't work out too well.

July 22, 2011 at 6:48 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Being about, oooh, 6 hours away from unemployment at the moment, I'm not really the person to give career advise. But if you're anything like me, the constant scrabble for jobs is a tiring one, so my next role will be something stable and secure. It's the way to go.

And oh, what London would do for a heat wave right now...

July 22, 2011 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger Adam Kenny said...

I smiled reading your line about grooves and ruts. My oldest brother's take on it (I have it affixed to a Post-it on my computer at work) is, "Very often the difference between a rut and a grave is the depth of the habit."

July 22, 2011 at 7:29 AM  
Anonymous Sid said...

I thought I'd gotten through unscathed, until this year. We still have our jobs and we've been assured that we'll always have them. BUT we're currently asking the government for a bail-out.

July 22, 2011 at 7:34 AM  
Blogger Leah said...

Hi Mr! I can't offer advice beyond what has been said, but I will say that I'm totally impressed that you fessed up to that day of meals. And yes, healthy eating aside, it sounded delicious....

July 22, 2011 at 7:35 AM  
Blogger Sausage Fingers said...

With all of the choices of grub in gotham you are eating that shite?
nice pics..

July 22, 2011 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

The fact that you are aware you are eating junk is a good sign and of course you will curtail it - like now.
Ponita's comment makes sense to me. Good luck with the decision and the outcome.
Can you afford to have a whole new wardrobe?
So eschew the grease balls.

July 22, 2011 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Kono said...

The only point i take issue with is your choice of pizza, c'mon man, you're in the pizza capital of the world and your eating Domino's? for shame.

July 22, 2011 at 1:23 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Jo: A scramble between jobs may be the new normal. Christ, I hope not. And you don't want this kind of heat. Trust me. No amount of hair care products can stand up against it.

Adam: It's funny how the things that I once thought were my groove bore me to tears now. Grooves and ruts change over time.

Sid: I'm sure the government will be happy to help out. Won't they?

July 22, 2011 at 2:12 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Leah: the first step is admitting there's a problem. I'm not quite there yet. Hot enough in Bklyn for you?

Sausage: It couldn't be helped. I was in NEW JERSEY.

Pat: I will never curtail my poor eating habits completely. But as with all things, moderation is the key.

Kono: It couldn't be helped. I was in NEW JERSEY.

July 22, 2011 at 2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So you stay where you are & you like it. You have paid benefits you don't really know how long or if it will last but it could be longer than you think. Who is to say if they were to close the other opportunity won't be there if you need it since they only hire consultants. I say stay at a job that you like they are hard to come by. Just my thoughts.
MT

July 23, 2011 at 11:44 AM  
Blogger Gnu Kid said...

you're fussing about deciding on a job, yet stressing yourself out about the food you eat? relax and have another oreo...preferably a deep fried one.

July 23, 2011 at 8:32 PM  
Blogger Jenny Woolf said...

I would go for the troubled company, so long as you're pretty sure you'll get the fulltime job in September. You can always go back to consulting later if it folds but also you may be able to help turn the company around. It's good to go with what you like, sounds as if you are already mighty stressed. I'm sorry. You are right also that eating that crap will probably make you feel even worse. Good luck.

July 24, 2011 at 6:42 AM  

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