The Unbearable Banishment: New Jersey beautification project

Thursday, September 3, 2009

New Jersey beautification project

Ah, the tall, majestic pine trees of central New Jersey. You can almost smell...hey. Waitaminute. That's no pine tree!

It's hard to tell from this photo (it's from my cell phone) but that's not a tree. It's a cell phone relay tower. We were in one of the more tony neighborhoods of New Jersey and the people who live in big houses that are situated on big plots of land care a lot about the aesthetics of their community. They don't want any ugly-ass cell phone towers littering their beautiful landscape. But, of course, they need cell phone service. Can you imagine life without it?

So the cell phone providers came up with this fantastic idea. They disguise the cell phone towers as pine trees. Call me cynical but they're not fooling me one bit. I wonder if the birds are duped and build nests in them?

If you click on this you can see some of the white antennas sticking up out of the branches. Do they have these things in your community?


Blogger Lori said...

Hahaha! Yes, we have one of these beauties planted not more than a mile from our home in the lovely burbs of Atlanta. We also have ugly billboards and sagging power lines and rotting, vacant strip shopping centers, but at least someone is standing up for aesthetics around here.

September 3, 2009 at 10:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is one ugly ass motherfucking tree. Humans are so superficial, shallow and stupid.

Doesn't it just make you want to park a super jammer underneath it? It does to me.

BTW: The post from today that you took down? I hadn't heard that news item, but I agree with your assessment. 100%. Sometimes I wonder where they're keeping all the neutron bombs. Seems like a few of those would solve a lot of problems. And preserve the oil.

Did I say that out loud? Talk about yer bad karma, eh?

September 3, 2009 at 11:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's not fooling anyone. and even though i'm not a bird, it makes me want to make a big ol' poo on it...

we have one in the local area that was modified to include a metallic ring of 3 F-16's flying in formation up the tower, in honor of a local air force base. nice touch, but it's still fuuuugly...

September 4, 2009 at 12:15 AM  
Blogger Barlinnie said...

Over here the Catlick church has sold its soul to the various communication companies, and have taken to hiding the masts inside of bell towers and church steeples.

You can still hear the voice of God.... only now you can text him back while you're waiting in line for confession.

Blss me fthr 4 I av sind

September 4, 2009 at 12:21 AM  
Blogger Sid said...

Yep I've seen one or two of them in Cape Town. Of course they've got nothing on the the real. Nature is just sooo much prettier.

September 4, 2009 at 3:15 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

But I dont get it, why didn't they make it look like a proper pine tree? If you're going to make a pine tree, at least go the whole hog. I'm thinking triangle shape like a christmas tree. Or give it some other trees around it.

September 4, 2009 at 4:29 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Lori: Well, they had to take a stand somewhere and I suppose cell phone relay towers is as good a place as any.

Rob: I took that post down. It was bumming me out every time I saw it. It really is hopeless over there.

Daisy: A+ for their efforts but F for their results. [On a side note, T minus 14 days. What the hell does T minus mean, anyway?]

Jimmy: The "Catlick" church (LOL) is expert at selling it's soul. Nothing new there.

Sid: Who'd have thunk that central New Jersey and Cape Town would ever have anything in common.

Jo: That's their best effort! Fugly, isn't it?

September 4, 2009 at 7:05 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

It looks a little bit like a giant, pointing-up toilet brush.

September 4, 2009 at 7:07 AM  
Blogger JZ said...

like plastic shutters screwed to the wall of a house.....we like to play PRETEND rather than take the time and effort to make them intrinsically beautiful......

September 4, 2009 at 7:47 AM  
Blogger Leah said...

Holy crap, that is one crappy "tree." The mind certainly does boggle.

September 4, 2009 at 10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember the first time we drove to see you....they are everywhere along the highway. What the hell couldn't they find a better way to spend all that NJ toll cash.

September 4, 2009 at 11:25 AM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

Well it certainly wouldn't pass as a real tree, but it's definitely better than your average cell phone tower.

September 4, 2009 at 8:18 PM  
Blogger tennysoneehemingway said...

Nah, they just have big, old fashioned metal shit where I live. MMMMM, feel that cancer.

September 4, 2009 at 9:37 PM  
Blogger ~E said...

nope. ours are just ugly white tower things. at least the people in your neck of the woods people "care" about keeping things green.

September 5, 2009 at 3:44 AM  

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