The Unbearable Banishment: Not Scarface

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Not Scarface

I've received a few random comments and e-mails inquiring about the status of the wound on my forehead from when I had a small piece of skin cancer cut out a few weeks ago. [Strong content. View discretion is advised.]

I haven't written about it because there's no story. I had a cracker jack dermatologist who was a whiz kid with the needle and thread. A true star! People assured me that I'd be scared for life and that I should have had a plastic surgeon in the room to sew up the wound. I was further assured that I would need a skin graft to fix that mess. I got all worked up. People are such busy-bodies.

Well, as you can see, I have practically NOTHING to show for all that agony. (And, believe me, it was a horrific experience. Sewing the wound shut was a violent act!)

I have to confess (perhaps foolishly) that I am deeply disappointed. I wanted a big, prominent scar. I've spent my whole life looking like a goddamn actuary accountant. I wanted a scar in the hope that it would toughen-up my look a bit. Like I fought off ninja assassins or something.

I had to walk around the city with a thick bandage on my forehead for two weeks after the operation. When people asked what happened, I told them that I got it the night Voldemort murdered my parents. It was fun! Perhaps I'll go back and insist that he reopen the wound and restitch it in a more careless, less professional manner.

I was commenting to Mrs. Wife that perhaps the scar won't tan and that it would become more prominent in the summertime. She callously reminded me that too much sun is what got me into this mess in the first place and that, henceforth, I would be wearing a hat to the beach. What a killjoy.


Blogger Nimpipi said...

I busted my head as a kid and I have this really sexy scar - on my SCALP, so I feel you. Vanity apart, beautifully healed! Maybe you can shave a line off your eyebrow to get the tough guy with a history look.

March 1, 2011 at 5:34 AM  
Blogger mapstew said...

That's some healing you got!
Never mind, you can walk around me me when I come visit! :¬)

March 1, 2011 at 6:07 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Nimpipi: That's a terrible place for a scar, as you know. Who can see it? Will consider the shaved-eyebrow look. Might wear an eye patch, as well.

map: When you visit, we can walk abreast down 5th Avenue. You'll look like the muscle of the organization. I'll still look like a pencil pusher.

March 1, 2011 at 6:33 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

There may just be a hint of something for a year or two - a talking point when all else fails. And it might get livid when you get enraged as happens in novels

March 1, 2011 at 6:35 AM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

a bit of stage make up, and you're good to go... just wander backstage sometime after a show, and you might catch a sleepy make up artist looking for a project.

March 1, 2011 at 7:01 AM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

hmmm..... love those baby blues. Did your daughters inherit them too?

March 1, 2011 at 7:12 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Pat: I would love to use my scar as a literary device but unless it becomes more obvious, I'll risk looking like a babbling idiot. More so than normal, I mean.

daisy: Check out this fantastic bit of stage scarring make-up from the just-opened production of Frankenstein in London. Now, THAT'S a scar!

nurse: Bless you, dear. Yup. They both have blue peepers. It runs in my family.

March 1, 2011 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger Sausage said...

It's that NYC water, it heals everything. Who needs a "Red badge of courage" when you can survive in NYC for all the years you have? You have to be tough as balls just to get to work in the morning.
I say get a big Mexican sombrero and a dust cape and walk about Lexington and 5th like an old west gunslinger, I guarantee the masses on the street will part for you, and all the time you are beating the skin c****r (Not to said out loud)

March 1, 2011 at 7:39 AM  
Blogger Kono said...

You can still kind of see it, tell people it faded since your youth when you once kicked major ass and the only way to get you to stop was to smash a bottle over your head.

March 1, 2011 at 8:14 AM  
Blogger LẌ said...

Perhaps you can get some sort of theatrical makeup to highlight the scar?

March 1, 2011 at 8:24 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Sausage: That's a nice thought but I'd like to have something physical to show for my efforts. Perhaps the next time you visit you could break my nose for me?

kono: I'm afraid it'll fade away completely! They gave me scar-away ointment, which I have stopped using.

xl: Scroll up and click on that link in my response to Daisy. Do you mean like that? Or something more subtle?

March 1, 2011 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

At least you got a good forehead tightening out of it! No need for a facelift for a few years. ;-)

Wait a year to see what it looks like. It actually takes that long for the scar tissue to remodel into its final form (believe me, I'm a wound care nurse at work... I know these things). Then if there's not much there, you can complain.

March 1, 2011 at 9:24 AM  
Blogger mapstew said...

And in preparation I went back to the gym today after a ten month 'lounge'! (Must get more tattoos too!) :¬)

WV = 'tatho' I kid you not!

March 1, 2011 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Ms Scarlet said...

All my scars are white and slightly raised AND you can even see the stitch marks. I bet you're jealous.

March 1, 2011 at 11:26 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ponita: I will take your advice and try to be patient. But if nothing shows up within 12 months, I'm asking for a refund. [And, yes, the whole horrible process made me wonder how ANYONE can sit through a facelift.]

map: If you thought your first workout was rough, just wait for round #2.

Scarlet: I *am* jealous! That's very cool. Can you post pics on your site? I showed you mine!

March 1, 2011 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

You aren't really awake when you get a facelift... heavy sedation is the order of the day. But it is very cool when the plastic surgeon has their fingers underneath the skin on the patient's cheek!!! (Apologies to anyone that I just grossed out...)

March 1, 2011 at 2:04 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

The Dr. should be proud. I had a friend who had a large chuck permanently missing from her calf as the result of a car accident. When people asked her about it she told them she had been bitten by a shark!

March 1, 2011 at 5:51 PM  
Blogger LẌ said...

Maybe buff it up a little with steel wool before leaving the house then!

March 1, 2011 at 7:57 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Ponita: *ACK!* You just grossed ME out! I don't understand how anyone survives that. Working in the medical profession, that is.

Cat: Actually, when the Dr. pulled the stitches out, I could have sworn I saw a gleam of satisfaction on his face. He took a pic of it. It's true!

xl: That's a terrible idea. I'm thinking of using eyeliner to highlight it. That's much less painful than what you suggest. But...thanks for your input.

March 1, 2011 at 8:39 PM  
Anonymous mcz said...

that damn mrs. wife, so practical...

don't worry, i'll print a pic of your wound and carry it around with me and tell everyone what really happened. ninjas, rusty machetes (ok, i don't think ninjas carry machetes...)in a dramatic scene a la 'kill bill'.

March 1, 2011 at 9:29 PM  
Blogger kyknoord said...

Maybe you could tell people that Voldemort was vaguely rude to your parents.

March 1, 2011 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

mcz: I'd love to see your photographic/artistic treatment of my wound. You have a way with light and I'm sure it'd look downright pretty.

kykn: God! Another classic! Where do you get these clever quips from? It's your superpower.

March 2, 2011 at 7:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It beats botox!

March 2, 2011 at 7:02 PM  
Blogger broken biro said...

Hello. I think it looks very rakish.
And I LOVE the Voldemort comment... worth having 'half your face'* ripped off for, non?

* It's ok - I have a poetic licence

March 3, 2011 at 7:38 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

MIT: Welcome back, weary traveler! All unpacked, I take it? I don't know if it *beats* botox but its results are certainly more permanent.

Broken B: Hello, there! I'll settle for a nice, neat little well-placed scar (vs. having half my face ripped off). I want to look like a tough muther. Not scare children.

March 3, 2011 at 8:16 AM  

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