The Unbearable Banishment: Whiny Wealthy White Folk

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Whiny Wealthy White Folk

The Upper East Side of Manhattan is an enclave of astonishing wealth. They are the idle rich that you and I envy. One of the cultural epicenters of all this wealth is the 92nd Street Y. Every fall, the Y holds a series of lectures. It’s all very stimulating stuff and tickets can become a hot item, not necessarily because of the subject matter, but because of the unrelenting need for wealthy folks to feel like they’re a part of something exclusive. For instance, if rumor has it that Meryl Streep might attend the Sigd: Ethiopian Jewish Celebration, tickets will suddenly become scarce and sought after.

The midday lectures are the best. Who do you suppose is able to attend a midday lecture? Wealthy people who do not need to work a proper job, of course. These lectures are tailored to address the problems and challenges facing this exclusive clientele. They've just released the fall schedule and here, verbatim, are some of the lectures that address the more pressing issues facing those beleaguered souls:

Tue, Oct 28
When Your Grown Kids Disappoint You
[How sweet.
“Mom, do you want to come to dinner on Tuesday night?”
“I can’t. I’m attending a lecture on how to cope with my disappointment in you.”
I’ve noticed that there are no lectures for children who have been burdened with the failed dreams of their parents.]

Thu, Nov 6
The Truth About Why Women Lie
[
That would be a paradox, right?]

Wed, Nov 12
Beyond Botox: Advanced Anti-Aging
[The audience is a room full of smiling stone-faced bitties clutching Hermès birkin bags.]

Fri, Nov 14
Salt
[Huh?]

Wed, Nov 19
Mothers-In-Law and Daughters-In-Law: Love and Hate
[I’m betting the emphasis is on hate.]

Mrs. Wife and I saw the Dali Llama speak at the 92 St Y. He’s a mumbley son-of-a-gun and because we were seated in the back, we couldn’t understand a single word he said.

7 Comments:

OpenID daisyfae said...

Yikes! Our local Y only has Lectures on "How Combat Middle-aged Badonkadonk Butt" and "Why It's OK To Have Bandaids and Hairballs In Our Pool"...

Can't see Ms. Streep at either...

September 3, 2008 at 11:06 PM  
Blogger sid said...

well it's obviously very difficult being rich. yeah the poor have to worry about where their next meal will come from but the poor has to worry about bad plastic surgeons and the like.

September 4, 2008 at 5:45 AM  
OpenID tomeoftheunknownblogger said...

The only consolation I can grasp is that these useless turds will all perish in their Manhattan high rises when the oil runs out.

Did you know that residing in a high rise above about the 4th or 5th floor can lead to all sorts of anxiety and mental illness? We're just not meant to live that far off the ground.

The words of an old Cree prophecy come to mind:

"Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten."

September 4, 2008 at 10:03 AM  
OpenID anniegirl1138 said...

The Dali Lama mumbles? Do they look for mumblers when picking these guys? My illusion is shattered.

September 4, 2008 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

daisy: The 92nd St. Y is a glamorized version of what a typical Y offers. It is the exception. I’ll bet your Y won’t make you pay $50 to sit through The Anglo-Saxon Epic in the 20th Century!

sid: In their heads, they see bad plastic surgeons as a “problem.” It’s all a matter of perspective (or lack thereof). Living in their tide pools, they soon forget about the sea.

tome: Working in a skyscraper has always left me a little discombobulated. Thanks for providing the reason why.

annie: He speaks in hushed tones and the acoustics were horrendous, so all of his pearls of wisdom were reduced to just a bunch of echoes bouncing around the room.

September 4, 2008 at 10:45 AM  
OpenID nursemyra said...

I want to go to that salt lecture

September 5, 2008 at 8:36 AM  
Blogger Sonny Amou said...

I would love to see a lecture in the middle of the day on salt. And then I could zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

SA

September 5, 2008 at 8:57 PM  

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