how to slowly murder your child

I've had enough of the politics of pigment for a while. Back to what I enjoy the most: bitchin'!

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7-Year Old Daughter was give the "reward" of a coupon for a free pizza at our local suburban Pizza Hut for reading five books. I love junk food as much as the next guy but, holy Mother of God, why do they feed this stuff to kids?

The salad bar had four metal containers filled with gooey dressings in various shades of grey, yellow and brown. One container was filled with chocolate pudding and another with vanilla pudding. I commented to the waitress that it was the first time I'd ever seen chocolate pudding offered at a salad bar and she said, "Oh, yeah. We do it for the kids. They love it." Yea, I'll bet they do.

I saw a mommy share her Coke with her 18-month old. At another booth were two brothers, about 9 and 11, who where a bit “weight-challenged.” One had a t-shirt that read “Thing 1” and the other had a t-shirt that said “Thing 2.” Their faces were buried in a Game Boy Advanced. Neither spoke to the other. They would only pause their game long enough to shove more pizza in their faces.

The desert menu featured Hershey’s chocolate dippers. Here's the menu description. Remember, these are supposed to be consumed right after you've eaten a pizza.

Freshly-baked, soft, melt-in-your-mouth dessert sticks topped with white chocolate and HERSHEY’S® milk chocolate – served with rich chocolate dipping sauce!


I wanted to fucking puke.

Now, ain’t that America? Look, I know I'm suppose to set a good example for my daughters and be humble and not put on airs or do anything to appear elitist, but sometimes it's hard not to feel just a wee bit smarter than some other parents I run across. Please forgive me. As far as I'm concerned, the reading program should be restructured so that if you don’t read five books, you have to eat and work at Pizza Hut. Forever.