The Unbearable Banishment: oh my GOD! you're EATING MY LEGS! you BASTARDS!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

oh my GOD! you're EATING MY LEGS! you BASTARDS!

I rank “office hijinks” blogs on the same low rung as “mommy” blogs, but certain things are creeping up that I simply cannot ignore. I’ll keep it to a minimum.

Some people bring cookies and biscuits to work. It’s a nice gesture that lifts everyone’s spirits and provides a sugar jolt.

My Chinese colleague brought in a bag of dried octopus tentacles. She said it’s an Asian delicacy




Somewhere on the bottom of the ocean there’s an octopus in a wheel chair cursing humans.

(Thank you very much. I’m here all week. Please tip your waitress.)

I embarrassed myself by asking her what was written on the bag and she said didn’t know since she is Chinese and the writing is in Japanese. What a dopey White person I am!

For lunch she ordered fried rice with anchovies and chicken. I passed on the octopus tentacles but the fried rice sounds delicious. To me.

16 Comments:

OpenID daisyfae said...

sticking with my principles, i wouldn't eat them. nothing that looks the way it was when it was alive, thankyouverymuch. i continue to enjoy my meat processed beyond recognition!

May 3, 2009 at 9:10 PM  
Blogger SWFirewoman said...

I like my octopus deep fried (calmari) with lots of bread thank you.

May 4, 2009 at 12:07 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

Ha ha! Good one.

A colleague once brought "treats" back from the middle east (Kuwait).

Do you know how hard it is to smile, nod, and "Mmmmmm. Good" with a mouth full of disgusting?

May 4, 2009 at 1:00 AM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

I just like her sign.

May 4, 2009 at 1:24 AM  
Blogger sid said...

I'm the type of chick that brings biscuits and cake to work. Who would of thought that I was THAT person?

May 4, 2009 at 4:40 AM  
OpenID nursemyra said...

am I the only one who think dried octopus tentacles taste delicious?

May 4, 2009 at 5:34 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Daisy: Right! I like a nice burger because it doesn’t look much like a cow. Where do you stand on lobsters?

SWF: Technically, calamari is squid. So where do you stand on octopus?

Rob: I think she was insulted that nobody was interested in tentacles. What did she expect?

AFM: The sign is the reason I posted this. It’s great! Mouth in an “O” as if screaming in pain.

Sid: I’m sure you are well-loved for the gesture.

Nurse: Now that you say so, I wish I had tried them. I am a culinary coward. They just look so weird.

May 4, 2009 at 8:00 AM  
OpenID hereinfranklin said...

One time husband brought a bag full of smoked duck tongues back from China. Talk about disgusting. Blech...

May 4, 2009 at 8:02 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

Initially I read, 'testicles'. I wondered what an octopus testicle would look like.

re: your question, had she told you that they were from Japan? If not, your mistake is perfectly acceptable.

May 4, 2009 at 8:49 AM  
Anonymous popomatic Jeff said...

I don't know what I like most - your colleague's "Eat Me' sign or the package's mascot.

May 4, 2009 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger SWFirewoman said...

Yeah I just realized that after I hit 'send'. Oh well, they both have tentacles. Its those visible suction-cup thingies that put me off.

May 4, 2009 at 12:12 PM  
Blogger kyknoord said...

The last time I tried dishing out tentacles at work, they sent me for psychological evaluation. Small-minded fuckers!

May 4, 2009 at 2:43 PM  
OpenID thegnukid said...

adventure is the key. pretend they're something else...like the inner tube from a bike tire...and chew away. you'll find it to be very flavorful inner tube bike tire!

May 4, 2009 at 9:40 PM  
Blogger Jimmy Bastard said...

The last time I ate something off of the sea bed, I was ill for a week with the galloping trots.

These days I stick to organic chicken. So much safer.

So what did you bring in?

May 5, 2009 at 3:54 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

octopus tentacles...bleeeeeeeeeeeuurrghhhhhhhh

Another insightful comment from Jo

May 5, 2009 at 5:03 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

HIF: Did you kiss him after eating one? Ick.

Ellie: It wouldn’t have mattered. I wouldn’t eat a tentacle OR a testicle.

Pop: The mascot suggests you have a beer with your tentacles. That or a big glass of urine.

SWF: It’s the suction cups, plus they look like worms.

K: And to think if you did that in Japan you’d be everyone’s best pal. I wonder what Western food makes them sick to their stomachs.

Gnu: I think I’d prefer to eat a bike inner tube. With some salsa.

Jimmy: I never thought about it but you’re right! I should bring something in. Let’s see…I’m half Polish so perhaps I can bring a big plate of kielbasa on skewers.

Jo: Your comments are like precious jewels or snowflakes and are always welcome here.

May 5, 2009 at 9:25 AM  

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