The Unbearable Banishment: One too many Stephen King stories

Monday, September 7, 2009

One too many Stephen King stories

We walked to the local Italian Ice stand last evening. This place is a Jersey shore summer institution and it will soon be closed until next spring, so we had to get our final licks in.


The walk takes us down our street and over a short bridge that spans the Navasink River. At this time of year, you can see jellyfish swimming under the bridge and people are crabbing both off the bridge and in small boats bobbing in the river.

Mrs. Wife was pushing 3-Year Old in her stroller (it’s too far for her to walk), 7-Year Old was slightly ahead of us and I was trailing. I was watching the oncoming traffic and saw a woman approaching in an older model white sedan.

She was in her mid-50s and looked to be the product of too much inbreeding between her aunts and uncles. The car was traveling about 25-30 miles per hour. In one hand she held a cell phone up to her thick skull. In the other hand she gripped the steering wheel and a lit cigarette.

Then, as the car approached dear family, while still yammering on her cell phone, she let go of the steering wheel to take a long drag on her cigarette.

Have you been watching True Blood? When madness grips one of the characters, their eyes go completely black. That was me. I pictured the car hitting a bump, careening out of control and heading towards 7-Year Old. I imagined that I was Mr. Fantastic or Plastic Man (same superpower, different publisher). I elongated my arms and with one I snatched 7-Year Old from the car's path and with the other I smashed the driver's nose into tiny bits of cartilage.

She finished her puff and the car passed by without incident.

12 Comments:

Blogger Leah said...

That pic is beautiful by the way.

When I was a little girl, walking to preschool with my two BFFs and our three moms, a car swerved toward us kids at a crosswalk. Our three moms as one, of one mind, eyes all blackened, set upon the car's hood. Shrieking and pounding. I think if they'd been given one more instant, they would have dragged the driver out and murdered him right there on the Brooklyn sidewalk. I have never forgotten that primal scene.

September 7, 2009 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Sid said...

Jellyfish? Hmmm that must be an awesome sight.
While you're heading into winter, it's STILL storming in Cape Town!!!

September 7, 2009 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Cat said...

Why do people think they're on thier living room sofa when they are actually behind the wheel? It's so infuriating, but I'm glad to find out you have super powers.

September 7, 2009 at 10:11 AM  
OpenID daisyfae said...

Headline: "Pedestrian Rage Strikes Local Father - Inattentive Driver Found With Mobile Phone Inserted in Body Cavity"

September 7, 2009 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger Jimmy Bastard said...

You see my friend... it is just as easy for a respectable man to find a penchant for violence to protect his children, as it is for a violent man to find a penchant for respectability where his children are concerned.

I'm sure you do not need me to explain myself any further.

September 7, 2009 at 10:34 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

People. Ug. *rolls eyes*

September 7, 2009 at 10:46 AM  
OpenID tomeoftheunknownblogger said...

That we have to share the planet, our air, our space, with people like these chaps my ass. When they pose a hazard to our loved ones? They deserve whatever black eyed rage comes their way.

Nice pic and, other than your experience with smoky-chatty, hope it was a good family outing.

September 7, 2009 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger The Kid In The Front Row said...

why is it closing?

September 7, 2009 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Leah: Something biological kicks in when someone messes with your kids. It's almost a madness.

Sid: They're only about as big as your hand but they're slow and graceful to watch.

Cat: It's like when you watch someone dig into their nose while at a traffic light. We see you!

Daisy: Sub headline: Thousands, No, MILLIONS Cheer.

Jimmy: I think we are all capable of the darkest thoughts and the most extreme violence. That's why I try not to judge.

Ellie: The general public never fails to disappoint me with the depth of its stupidity.

Rob: It WAS a beautiful outing. Read around the car incident for proof.

Front Row: Welcome! It’s just a seasonal business. It will soon close and open again next summer. There’s no demand for Italian ice in the dead of winter in New Jersey!

September 7, 2009 at 3:12 PM  
OpenID hereinfranklin said...

Damn...my heart started beating a little faster there. Great description and I'm glad of the uneventful ending. I haven't been able to read a Stephen King book for years...probably The Stand. Yikes.

September 7, 2009 at 5:01 PM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

Are they still letting people talk on the phone while driving in the States? Madness.

September 8, 2009 at 1:20 AM  
OpenID tomeoftheunknownblogger said...

FYI. This post got picked up by "doublesifted.com". I only know that because I found it tracking back a referral on of my posts.

I'm taking it as a bit of recognition for a fledgling writer. Perhaps you should too?

September 9, 2009 at 12:20 AM  

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