The Unbearable Banishment: [All I've got is a] Photograph

Sunday, August 15, 2010

[All I've got is a] Photograph

Two days ago I was in the car and the local classic rock station played Def Leppard's 1983 slog hit Photograph. I turned up the volume to extra-crispy and haven't been able to get that lick out of my head since. I love it! And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Good cowbell. Here are a few random photographs.

* * *

I was sitting on a park bench having my lunch and this lady sat down next to me and cracked open a Budweiser tall boy. I don't suppose there's anything wrong with drinking a Bud at 11:40 a.m.

...unless, of course, you're about seven months pregnant.

Mrs. Wife was looking over my shoulder when I posted this and said, "Are you sure she's not just overweight?" I'm no OB/GYN, but I know a thing or two about breasts and those don't look like overweight breasts to me. They look like pregnant breasts. Mrs. Wife said, "I'll bet she's got a sad story to tell." Are y'all having a good day today? If not, cheer up. You could be in a worse predicament.

* * *

It's August in New Jersey and you know what that means, don't you? It's LOCUST season! [Edit: CICADA. I stand corrected. See Ponita's comment.] Go ahead. Click on it. I dare you.

Do you guys get these things? My finger is in the pic to give you a sense of scale. They're big, ugly and, worst of all, NOISY beasties. Their drone goes on all. Day. Long. I hate insects. They make my flesh crawl.

By the way, that patch of brown, dry, dead plantation is my front lawn. We've had terrible heatwaves and droughts all summer long. This follows the numerous pounding blizzards we had a few months ago. Good thing we blasted a big hole in the ozone layer, otherwise we wouldn't have this entertaining weather.

* * *

If you scroll down, you'll see three posts about some astonishingly good, home cooked meals I had while visiting Cleveland. This post is the antithesis of those meals.

I met a friend at an Irish restaurant called Harp. They serve the usual burgers and bar food that you'd see in any Irish pub/restaurant, but they also serve some (supposedly) authentic Irish dishes. I always go ethnic whenever possible.

I ordered a meal that I had never heard of. I've been asking around and, apparently, it's more common that I thought. Have you guys ever heard of a boxty cake? It can be best describe it as an Irish burrito. It's a massive potato pancake folded over with stuff inside. Harp serves steak boxty, salmon boxty, vegetarian boxty, corned beef boxty and chicken boxty. I had the chicken. Inside were sauteed mushrooms, onions and peppers with a sun-dried tomato pesto cream sauce. Sounds scrumptious, doesn't it? Take a look:

It was truly awful. A massive, heavy, flavorless blob of food. That's the corned beef boxty in the background. When I left the table, I didn't think I'd have to eat again for several days. I'm hoping it was just ill-prepared and not always that bad. Put it on the list of things I'll never order again right next to haggis and camel. (Yes, I ate camel meat once. It tasted kind of rancid.)


Anonymous daisyfae said...

Dave Barry said it best: "Never assume a woman is pregnant unless you see an actual baby emerging from her body". And my caveat? Maybe not even then...

August 15, 2010 at 5:43 PM  
Blogger Ponita in Real Life said...

Rather unappetizing blob of so-called food, that boxty... There must be a way to make it taste good. All the ingredients would suggest that it IS possible.

The lady swilling the beer? I'd think she's got a beer belly, not a baby belly, from the looks of her. Because you can see how much butt is sticking out the back end of the photo... Just sayin'.

And although I hate to burst your bubble, I must correct you on the naming of the insect. That, dear UB, is a cicada. They do buzz annoyingly. We even get them up here in the wilds of central Canada. The locust is the swarming form of a type of grasshopper... and they look like a grasshopper. Unfortunately, in dry summers, we get those things here too. And they can decimate the crops in no time flat. They are hungrey, big and hard and crash into everything when they fly. Did you know their feet are little hooks that pinch your skin if they land on you? Much worse than the noisy cicada... those are just annoying. The locusts are destructive. Turkeys will eat lots of them and then die. Of course, turkeys are not noted for having much in the way of brain cells at the best of times...

August 15, 2010 at 7:05 PM  
Anonymous Sally said...

Photograph is a hot summer song for me - was it 1982 or something? Dude...hours of Pac-Man at Dairy Queen and that song - always on the radio. And I vote NOT PREGNANT as well if you're keeping score.

August 15, 2010 at 7:27 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Daisy: That very thing happened where I use to work. A woman was congratulated for being pg and she wasn't. You could feel the air suck out of the room

Ponita: I stand corrected on the locust/cicada controversy. I'm obviously in error. I still hate them.

Sally: Hummm. I may have to re-think my claim of pregnancy. It seems the tide is against my assumption. shouldn't be drinking beer at that hour.

August 15, 2010 at 8:18 PM  
Blogger Borah said...

I don't think she's pregnant either, but that doesn't mean you were wrong about that belly being a reason not to have Budweiser tall boys anymore before 11.40 am!

August 16, 2010 at 3:50 AM  
Anonymous Sid said...

Really? You can distinguish from THAT top whether she has pregnant breasts opposed to overweight breasts? I'm not convinced that she's preggies. How did you manage to take the photo without her noticing???

August 16, 2010 at 4:48 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

That was brave of you to photograph the pregnant lady without her permission. She might have lamped you with the can:)

August 16, 2010 at 5:54 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Not pregnant. Epic stealth photo taking skills though, UB. I feel like a proud mother.

August 16, 2010 at 6:01 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Borah: I'm beginning to feel a bit foolish. Apparently, I'm the only one who thinks she's with child!

Sid: Her breasts look so--I don't know--swollen and heavy to me. I'm just a guy. What the hell do I know?

Pat: "Lamped" is my new all-time favorite verb. You Brits have a way with words.

Jo: You've posted some pretty good clandestinely-taken pics of fashion disasters. I am following in your footsteps.

August 16, 2010 at 6:48 AM  
Blogger kyknoord said...

Maybe the lady on the bench had just eaten one of those boxty cakes and needed to get rid of the taste?

August 16, 2010 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger TechnoBabe said...

Def Leppard's Photograph is pretty good for sure. I would have to turn it up too. The first picture of the lady with the beer is "ah, gosh, kinda early for a beer" but the second picture turns it into "WTF is that pregnant lady doing drinking beer no matter what time of day it is." Too bad you didn't ask "when is your baby due."

August 16, 2010 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger mapstew said...

Maybe she's just trying to dislodge some Boxty (pronounced 'bock shtee')?
It looks revolting, as does the boxty. :¬) Not a common dish here, and we are not known for our sun-dried toms either. (Sunshine? Ireland?)

We've got flying ant thingies living on a tree nearby, major disgusting little feckers! :¬)

August 16, 2010 at 8:57 PM  
Anonymous nuttycow said...

You don't like haggis?


August 17, 2010 at 4:15 AM  
Blogger Eryl Shields said...

The boxty (not a name I've ever heard) looks and sounds ghastly. Too many ingredients competing for attention, wrapped in stodgy spud, the sheer size of it would have put me off. Was the corned beef one any better, I have a faint nostalgia for corned beef that is usually disappointed?

The woman just looks overweight to me, too sqidgy and her largesse seems fairly evenly spread. But then, I'm no breast expert.

Haggis can be delicious but is too often mushy and tasteless.

The bug looks cool, it has totally transparent wings. I quite like bugs unless they bite or sting.

August 17, 2010 at 5:58 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

kykn: The boxty might have been helped if they added a few cicadas.

TB: I wanted to engage the woman in a conversation to ascertain whether or not she was in the family way but decided against it.

Map: Thanks very much for the pronunciation guide. I needed that. The sun dried toms were the hook that made me order it. It didn't work.

Nutty: It doesn't make any sense. I love sausage but am put off by haggis. What's the difference?!

ES: On the menu the boxty sounds like it'd be a real treat. American restaurants routinely serve over sized portions. Perhaps that accounts for its size. And, to me, the bug looks like a space alien.

August 17, 2010 at 6:24 AM  
Blogger S.Le said...

That is absolutely gross! I'd prefer this one:

August 17, 2010 at 10:46 AM  
Blogger S.Le said...

...oh, and the preggers woman should be ashamed! Horrid creature!

August 17, 2010 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger S.Le said...

...and living in a woods in Ohio, we have loads of cicadas. Heck, our mosquitoes are nearly that big! (No, not really)

August 17, 2010 at 10:51 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

'Lamped' I might have made it up;)

August 17, 2010 at 3:48 PM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

A massive, heavy, flavorless blob of food describes most Irish food. Trust me, or come have Christmas 'dinner' with my Irish in laws.

September 2, 2010 at 8:20 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home