The Unbearable Banishment: Do I have latent homophobic tendencies?

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Do I have latent homophobic tendencies?

The Great Gay White Way.

I saw a fantastic new play at the Roundabout Theater. Sons of the Profit is still in previews and it'll be interesting to see what the critics say once it opens. I always like to have my opinion validated by the professionals, although sometimes it works the other way around. I loved Enron but it closed the week after it opened. What do I know?

Sons of the Profit is a well-written and superbly acted comedy/drama. Some of the plot elements regarding an aging family member in declining health hit a little too close to home for comfort, but most of it was very funny with a whip-smart script by Stephan Karam. I'd like to see it again to catch the punchlines I missed.

Here's what concerns me: There was a gay make-out scene, which typically isn't a big deal. But I suddenly found myself surprisingly uncomfortable watching two dudes paw at each other. This discomfort came out of nowhere! I've seen the original production of Angels in America and many other gay librettos and never gave this sort of thing a second thought. But this time, it pulled me out of the story and made me want to thumb through my Playbill until the scene ended.

Does that mean I have latent homophobic tendencies? Because all of a sudden I don't want to watch two guys make-out? I hope not! (Two girls making out is a completely different matter.) I reject the notion that it makes me uncomfortable because I might actually BE gay. All those decades in Manhattan afforded me plenty of opportunities to experiment, but it never interested me. I told one of my gay friends what happened and he suggested, in all seriousness, that I watch a bunch of gay porn to "desensitize" myself. What an idiot.

* * *

Speaking of gay theater, Mrs. Wife and I saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. I won tickets in a trivia contest. I'll see pretty much anything for free.


It seems mean spirited to say anything bad about it. It tries so hard to be a happy, crowd-pleasing show, but I'm not the target audience. I'm not big into musicals and the songs played throughout the show are the big disco hits that, when played on the radio, cause me to turn the station. So, IF you like drag queens to the 10th power and IF It's Raining Men makes you want to wave your hands above your head and IF you like to see what a costume designer's acid trip looks like, you'll love this show. The best part of the evening was being out with my lovely bride on her birthday, who seemed to enjoy herself tremendously.

Sitting next to us was a woman who brought her two children. By children, I mean they were so young that in order to see the stage, they needed those plastic booster seats that theaters keep on hand. This is NOT a show for toddlers! What the fuck is wrong with people? I wonder if mommy had to explain why the woman was shooting ping pong balls out of her vagina into the audience or why the man was wearing a silver panties and a bra ensemble?

HOMOPHOBE!

* * *

Look at this crazy picture Mrs. Wife took of me in Times Square just before the curtain of Priscilla. It looks like my big Polish kielbasa fell out of my pants!


It isn't Aul' Cyclops and it isn't Photoshop trickery, either. It's someone's leg!

They walked behind me just as she took the photo. When she saw it, she was laughing hysterically and claiming she didn't do it on purpose, but I know better. You can't fool me. I've been married a long time.

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12 Comments:

Anonymous looby said...

Now come on, if *you're* uncomfortable with gay porn, you're hardly helping the cause for the rest of us with that photo. Very funny.

I don't like seeing kissing or anything even approaching sex on the stage r on film. I shut my eyes when it comes on. Likewise, people kissing in pubs or other public places. Some things are best behind closed doors.

October 5, 2011 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

looby: This post was a theme! I was going to save the photo for a separate post but decided it belonged here. As far as my viewing habits are concerned, it depends on how attractive the couple is. Or isn't.

October 5, 2011 at 3:39 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

Shame about the photo - you look great otherwise.
I often squirm when actors are slobbering over each other - regardless of sex. My generation kept their lips firmly together when kissing - anything else should be in the last stages of intimacy. But that's just me.

October 5, 2011 at 6:56 PM  
Blogger dinahmow said...

Hmm...some actors find close love scenes difficult. (I would have, but was only ever required to get romantic in slapstick)
As a viewer? Can't say I really like it;seems a bit voyeuristic. But I'm not calling for a ban.:-)

October 5, 2011 at 7:17 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Pat: I have no idea how actors can get carried away with all the cameras/audience watching. Acting!

Dinah: These two didn't seem like they were having a problem. It wasn't exactly pornographic, bit it left nothing to the imagination.

October 5, 2011 at 9:11 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

oh keee-RIST! i had some vaguely thoughtful comments to hoark up about this post until i got to the sausage shot...

on the bright side? you've already got your photo for your resume, or next round of Christmas cards...

October 5, 2011 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger JZ said...

your third leg makes me giggle. does that make me gay?

October 5, 2011 at 9:27 PM  
Blogger Moxymama said...

Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard and for way longer than is acceptable at the picture of your polish sausage. (And I can't believe I just typed that). Too funny!

October 6, 2011 at 12:07 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

daisy: What?! I stunned the great daisyfae into silence?! Not possible. What's today's date? I'm going to use this photo for my work ID.

JZ: Yes. It makes you completely gay. What are you doing this weekend?

Moxy: It's a preposterous photo. My actual Polish sausage would hang down much lower than that.

October 6, 2011 at 6:30 AM  
Blogger nursemyra said...

hahahahahahaha

October 6, 2011 at 8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You might want to see a doctor...most of them don't have a knot on the end. Not a vision a sister wants to ever see but thanks for the laugh it is quite funny.
MT

October 8, 2011 at 1:24 PM  
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