The Unbearable Banishment: Insult + injury

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Insult + injury

Let's say you saved up all your paper route money and bought yourself a big, dumb American muscle car. And just after your first inflated insurance payment, someone smacks into the rear bumper and puts a ding in it when you're not around.

At this point, what you DON'T need are the neighborhood hooligans writing graffiti on the damage.

That mutherfucking Jizzy. How many times do I have to tell him he's too young to drive?

Or perhaps it WAS Grover! At least he apologized.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jizzy sounds awfully sexual....

September 10, 2009 at 4:43 AM  
Blogger Sid said...

I recently dinged my car ... =( The bumper. Naturally all my fault.

September 10, 2009 at 5:34 AM  
Blogger tennysoneehemingway said...

Perhaps he thought the car's name was Grover and was apologising to it?

September 10, 2009 at 5:35 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Nurse: Have you met Jizzy's brother, Spermy?

Sid: Were you texting while behind the wheel?

TH: I'm sure the driver would have liked a check vs. the apology.

September 10, 2009 at 9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Back in the day of big chrome plated steel bumpers you'd have never incurred this sort of damage. Nothing's made to last anymore. Sigh.

Like internet commenters, though, there are wags everywhere, aren't there? Sometimes, they're even funny.

September 10, 2009 at 9:46 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Novel way of conducting a 'whodunnit' though. Sherlock has a few things to learn.

September 10, 2009 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger Jason Quinones said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

September 10, 2009 at 4:10 PM  
Blogger Jason Quinones said...

just another reason why i don't drive. who needs that hassle!

September 10, 2009 at 4:12 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Rob: I had a big 1972 Chrysler Newport and the bumpers were big, tough sons of bitches that could take a hit or two.

Jo: That's true! I wonder if he's received any calls? Probably not.

Jason: Not having to drive is mainly what kept me in New York for 20 years. Now, it's a necessity.

September 10, 2009 at 9:16 PM  
Blogger American in Sydney said...

You call that a ding?

September 11, 2009 at 12:04 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

Agree with Florida Girl ... what kind of ding is that?

In the UK, innocent little 'spunky' is the same as 'jizzy'.

September 12, 2009 at 5:58 AM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

Ouch. Bastards. Did you write the original question, though?

September 14, 2009 at 12:22 AM  

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