The Unbearable Banishment: Aren't men pigs?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Aren't men pigs?

I accidentally alighted onto the Lite Rock radio station here in New Jersey and was serenaded with this horrendous melody by '70's cowboy dullard Mac Davis:

Girl, you're a hot-blooded woman-child

And it's warm where you're touchin' me

But I can tell by your tremblin' smile

You're seein' way too much in me

Girl, don't let your life get tangled up with mine

'cause I'll just leave you, I can't take no clingin' vine

Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me

'cause I'll just use you then I'll set you free

Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me

Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me

Mac Davis

That, my friends, was a #1 hit. Davis also starred with Ted Nugent in the film Beer for my Horses.

Sickened by that, I punched the button for the Classic Rock station and got an ear full of this shit:

If I leave here tomorrow

Would you still remember me?

For I must be travelling on, now,

'Cause there's too many places I've got to see

'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,

And this bird you can not change.

Lynyrd Skynyrd

That was also a huge hit and became an anthem.

How can you women stand being in the same room with men? In a not-so-subtle way, these songs, and hundreds of other hits just like them, are saying, "Hey, baby, first I'm gonna fuck ya and then I'm gonna dust ya off my shoulder like a speck of dandruff. So geeet ready!"

Men don't understand that, for the most part, if you sleep with a girl, she'll assume that you have some feelings for her and that you're open to the idea of being with her for a long, long time.

Women don't understand that men can sleep with someone and afterwards feel absolutely nothing more than the need for a nice, long nap.

This is the Great Misunderstanding between the sexes.

I've mentioned this before but I'll repeat it for the benefit of those who haven't heard it. I am trying to steer The Daughters into a gay lifestyle. Men are pigs and I want to spare them this anguish. I don't want some punk greasehead pulling into my driveway in a beat-up Trans Am that leaks oil, laying on the horn because he doesn't want to come in and meet me and expect Daughter to run out to him.

I am sorry to report that even though one daughter is only 8 and the other 3.5, I am failing miserably, as they both already have boyfriends (Ian and Luke, respectively).

On the other hand, in Saul Bellow's novel Herzog, the protagonist, Moses Herzog, says he "...will never understand what women want. What do they want? They eat green salad and drink human blood."

And I think there might be some truth there. So there's that to consider.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

thankfully the Mac Davis ear-worm was derailed by the Skynyrd...

my sister, the lesbitarian, has had to deal with her own share of stress and anguish through her female partners. she was sucked into a cult by one, smacked around by an abuser, had her finances jacked by a shopper, an got taken in by an OCD Parisian... maybe no TransCameros or mulletude, but there can be stress is Lesbos, too, dear...

January 6, 2010 at 5:27 PM  
Anonymous Grumble Girl said...

You have to raise them to feel like they're special... maybe they'll cut the losers off at the pass. Maybe not. It's always a freaking gamble. Le sigh.

January 6, 2010 at 6:01 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

But now, see, when I hear Freebird, I've always related to it more from the perspective of the guy...

and I don't like to cuddle after...

and we're raising Hedgehog to be a fighter pilot.

January 6, 2010 at 6:15 PM  
Blogger mapstew said...

I have, as I have told you before, three daughters. Two of them teenagers.

Mrs. Map keeps telling them they have to find someone like me.
That's a good thing, isn't it?!?

Oh, how my head swells! :¬)

January 6, 2010 at 8:29 PM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Men can be pigs.

But don't tell your girls how to avoid them, tell them how to get over them. The latter advice will be much more useful :)

January 6, 2010 at 9:36 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Daisy: I don't feel I did you any favors by replacing a Mac Davis earworm with a Skynyrd one.

GG: Welcome! Well, I'm certainly trying as hard as I can, but I am flying blind without an instruction manual.

Leah: "Freebird" has always struck me as a big F.U. to women. I could be wrong.

Map: My are still quite young. Don't tell me what happens. I want to be surprised.

Jo: Unfortunately, the quickest remedy for a broken heart is someone new. It's an unbroken circle!

January 6, 2010 at 9:47 PM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

"Eat green salad and drink human blood;" I'd forgotten that wonderful line.
I remember thinking those lines were completely whack when Mac Davis sang them back when I was a kid. Yet digging the catchy tune.
Sorry about your daughters; as a divorced woman I've often wished I could be gay too, so I feel your pain. But as has been pointed out, there's no panacea there either.

January 6, 2010 at 10:08 PM  
Blogger savannah said...

fortunately it seems neither of those songs are familiar, so no earworm, tyvm! but, i can relate to y'alls plight, 3 sons, 1 daughter here. i have seen both sides of the insanity, but i'll spare y'all the details. xoxox

January 7, 2010 at 5:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't generalize all men aren't pigs...and who is to say none of this will happen if they are lesbians.
It's human nature and all you can do is be there when they fall, pick them up,dust them off and ask them what they learned that they will not repeat in the next relationship.
It goes both ways-don't know the name but think of the Heart song about "He was standing in the rain, no umbrella, no coat...."


January 7, 2010 at 10:12 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Maureen: Welcome! It's funny when you revisit music or literature from when you were younger. Decades ago, I emphasized with Holden Caulfield. Now, he sounds like a spoiled trust fund brat.

Savannah: Yes, please don't spoil the big surprises that are in store for me.

MT: Yeah, I know the score. Women can be shit-heels too. I just don't want to see them dumped on. But they will be...

January 7, 2010 at 11:26 AM  
Blogger Here In Franklin said...

UB--I'll give Mac Davis--total tripe. But c'mon--Free Bird? It's not my favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd song by a long shot (and, yes, I do appreciate the LS oeuvre), that would be Sweet Home Alabama. You probably just haven't spent enough hot Southern summer nights riding around country roads with the windows down and can of lukewarm beer between your legs. It's not something I do anymore, but LS is a big part of the soundtrack of my youth.

Also, we're coming to NYC and the end of the month and I will be reading your user's guide for tips.

January 7, 2010 at 12:26 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

HIF: There was this big lug in junior high named Greg Schopel who made my life a living hell. He use to take my lunch money away and grab me around the back of my neck. He wore this huge LS belt buckle every. Fucking. Day. It was as big as a sewer lid. All apologies, but to me, LS sucked then, sucks now and will always suck. It's a clear case of guilt by association.

Did you know that "Sweet Home Alabama" was LS's response to Neil Young's "Southern Man?" An interesting concept, but they still suuhuuuck.

January 7, 2010 at 12:38 PM  
Blogger Poindexter said...

oh my goodness - you are way too funny! opening up the possibilities of a gay lifestyle for your daughters in order to steer them away from the heartbreak that are certain to experience should they elect to travel down the hetero path? I suppose one tactic could be to play some of the old Alanis Morissette tunes during their formative years...

January 7, 2010 at 12:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yep, i've been cautioned that, as i get back into dating, "A poke is a promise"...scares the crap out of me.

January 7, 2010 at 2:00 PM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

That's one of the worst things about parenthood. The overwhelming desire to protect your children from heartbreak and the complete impossibility of being able to do so

January 8, 2010 at 3:35 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Point: Yes, it's my first failure as a father. Bombarding them with Melissa Ethridge music did nothing.

Gnu: The difference is that now we're old enough to care. When we're 22, we're not so thoughtful, are we?

Nurse: I could always lock them in the basement until their 32. It'd be for their own good.

January 8, 2010 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Jason Quinones said...

nyc butch dykes can be just as brutish as men.

they're no better off.

January 8, 2010 at 11:40 AM  
Blogger A Free Man said...

I'm glad I have boys.

I do however take offense at your anti-Lynyrd Skynyrd diatribe. Damn yankee.

January 11, 2010 at 6:55 PM  

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