The Unbearable Banishment: An uncharacteristically bilious post but I couldn't stop myself

Sunday, October 10, 2010

An uncharacteristically bilious post but I couldn't stop myself

Tim and Nina Zagat are New York's premier pretentious idiots. New Yorkers who are pretentious asswipes are so devoid of any self awareness that they don't realize they sound like pretentious asswipes.

Every Sunday, the New York Times runs a short feature called Sunday Routine. In it, someone tells how they spend their Sunday. The subjects are always fabulously successful and their day usually involves a summer house or a tony restaurant where brunches are preceded by a long wait in line unless you know the owner, which they usually do.

Today's Sunday Routine featured Tim and Nina Zagat, founders of the wildly successful Zagat restaurant and leisure guides. Basically, they get other people to rate restaurants for them and then publish the results without compensating any of the contributors. Clever. They were interviewed at their weekend getaway home.

It starts off innocently enough. Up at 7:00 to check e-mails and the weather. Then they begin to speak that special language that you only hear in certain segments of New York society.

She: "We have local farms that have eggs, and I like to get these just wonderful local eggs."

He: "They taste better than any of the ones you get in a big store."

Don't you wish you didn't have to buy your eggs in a big store?

He: "If she does breakfast for friends...there will be wonderful eggs. Wonderful muffins, local muffins."

Her: "It's lovely to be at prepare things that are fresh and exciting."

Are they for real with that wonderful crap? Have you ever eaten a wonderful muffin? Are you a shiny, happy person?* This is why some people hate New Yorkers and I can't say I blame them. How would you like to be cornered in a party by these two? Given the choice, I'd rather listen to an ex-convict tell me his life story. It'd be a hell of a lot more interesting than these two wonderful dullards.

* I use to like REM's Shiny Happy People until I heard Alice Cooper make fun of it in an interview. He said, "Are you a shiny, happy person? I'm not." And he's right! It sucks!

* * *

Best zinger from this past weekend's batch of movie reviews. This, in reference to the preposterous sudden change from cad to caring father by the character played by Josh Duhamel in the apparently awful Life as We Know It starring the apparently insane Katherine Heigl.

Mr. Duhamel is so good-looking that female viewers may give his character the benefit of the doubt, simply out of wishful thinking.

Stephen Holden

Best zinger EVER from a move review. This, from A.O. Scott's review of Mike Myers' The Love Guru:

“The Love Guru” is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.


Anonymous dinahmow said...

But I'm sure the eggs were wonderful. ;-) "Plonker" is a word I'd use.

October 10, 2010 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger Everyday Goddess said...

Yes, Josh is very excellent eye candy.

I hear The Zagat Guide gave him a rating of 27 out of a possible 30.

October 10, 2010 at 9:41 PM  
Anonymous Rob said...

....but I like farm fresh local wonderful eggs....

October 10, 2010 at 10:43 PM  
Anonymous Sid said...

Josh really is THAT good looking.

I read the dialogue you just described. WTF??? "There will be wonderful eggs"? What are those ppl on?

October 11, 2010 at 2:14 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Dinah: Do they actually talk like that in their real lives or was it a show for their interview? Who knows.

EG: Well done! Tying the two subjects together. Clever girl.

Rob: Why do these two make me want to puke? I mean, really, why should I care? It's very un-Zen like of me.

Sid: I'll take your word for it. Mrs. Wife also thinks he's a piece of candy.

October 11, 2010 at 6:12 AM  
Blogger savannah said...

i have successfully ignored the zagut guide for more years than i want to admit and fortunately for me, i seem to have missed their NYT performance as well!

re josh who? but that was a zinger of a review!

October 11, 2010 at 8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A and I went to see the movie this weekend; yes nice eye candy. The movie was A turned around at one point and asked me "Do parents really do all that to try and quiet a baby?" of which I replied..."that and more; if you only knew." So glad those days are over!
Funny we use to go to mom's every Sunday, now the tables have turned and she comes over every Sunday and usually spends the night. The shoes are being filled.

October 11, 2010 at 10:25 AM  
Blogger sukipoet said...

I'd like to invite you up to the north country for a delicious local breakfast of local (yep you can go to the farm and view the chickens laying) eggs and some delicious locally made in the pure upcountry muffins. NO?? How about some delicious locally tapped maple syrup to further tempt you. Divine dahlink. Let me know how many are coming so I can forwarn my cook.

October 11, 2010 at 11:10 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Savannah: I'm glad you said that because I don't know who Josh is, either. I think you have to be in a certain age bracket. One we, apparently, do not occupy.

MT: Good on you and A but you won't catch me dead watching that movie. I don't have enough estrogen to enjoy it.

Suki: Listen, I have nothing against savoring the local cuisine. I wouldn't mind doing it myself. It's the way these two smarmy prigs presented it that worked my nerves raw.

October 11, 2010 at 12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And a bah humbug to you too. I, for one, am a VERY shiny happy person. But I have make up, so I can hide it.

October 11, 2010 at 12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow - they DO sound insufferable! I got their muffins right here.

And that Love Guru review priceless! Oh yes, I will be stealing that every chance I get.

October 11, 2010 at 1:17 PM  
Anonymous daisyfae said...

i suppose my standard sunday brunch of freezer burned eggo waffles snarfed while standing next to the toaster wouldn't qualify as "wonderful" in their book. they can suck it. eggo's rock...

October 11, 2010 at 8:14 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Dolce: Sorry, baby, all those years of living in the city has apparently wiped the shiny right off my face.

Girly: I like your moxie. I got a cuppala muffins for them, too. And they ain't wonderful.

Daisy: ALL toaster pastries/ breakfast foods rock. So quick. So easy to burn. But, ultimately, so satisfying.

October 11, 2010 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger Kono said...

I believe that kind of asswipespeak starts in NYC and emanates out, i've heard the well-to-do hear in Pittsburgh spout the same kind of drivel, of course i'd like to take a local dump in the middle of their living room but i have a feeling they'd frown upon that.

October 12, 2010 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

Ass wipe. I love extending my vocabulary:)

October 12, 2010 at 9:40 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home