Come N' Get It

Here's what you can order at Wildwood Barbecue on Park Avenue and 18th St.

For real. All you need to do is call a couple of days ahead of time and cough up either $400 or $650 (depending on how big of a pig you need) and they'll wheel this bad boy right up to your table and carve it in front of you and your horrified guests. It's got an apple in its mouth and two cherry tomatoes in its eye sockets. You can't see it in this pic but the tongue is hanging out of its mouth.

Look, I'm a meat eater and I always will be, but when I saw this photo in this week's Time Out New York, I almost heaved into my keyboard. I can eat bacon and pork chops because it doesn't look like a pig. A juicy porterhouse doesn't look like a cow. But this? Eww. No, thank you.