The Unbearable Banishment: a slow day at the New York Times

Saturday, August 1, 2009

a slow day at the New York Times

One of the great pleasures in my life is the Sunday New York Times. I don't know what the hell happened to me. I use to drive drunk, have unprotected sex and smoke a ton of weed. Now, all I need is a sunny Sunday morning in my back yard, a cup of coffee, a Hostess Suzy Q and the Sunday Times and I'm a happy man. I'm sure I'm a big disappointment to my pals back in Cleveland.

The best, best part of the Sunday Times is the Arts & Leisure section (aka Farts & Seizures). I just love it. But in August, the entertainment community is away on holiday and there isn't much to write about. Things are so dead right now that the big front page feature article in today's Arts & Leisure section is a long tome on the resurrection of Tom Arnold's stand-up career. I'm not kidding. Also, you'll find long captivating articles on the new Chris Kattan TV series and a feature on the "First Ladies of Screwball Comedy."

Holy shit, man. Who cares about any of that?

Come to think of it, it makes for a pretty goddamn boring blog post, as well. Sorry, folks. Go back to what you were doing.

* * *

Actually, as long as I'm being judgmental tonight...Why am I so happy that this movie bombed?


I've got nothing against romantic comedies. Who doesn't like Groundhog Day? Mrs. Wife and I watch Love Actually every Christmas and I usually get kinda choked up during Colin Firth's restaurant proposal.

But this ad has a stench coming off of it.

"Oh, look at me! I holding up a red cardboard heart! I'm looking for love! love! love! You can tell by my red cardboard heart!"

"And I have a red cardboard heart covering my penis! Tee-hee! I just want to get laid but I'll learn a valuable lesson about relationships and feelings!"

Sitting through this would be like swallowing your own vomit.

The first time I saw this ad I thought that the movie was probably going to be pretty awful and sure enough, the reviews came out and everyone said it was junk. Maybe if the reviewers keep labeling junk like this junk, Hollywood would stop producing cynical junk like this.

Maybe not. Now, that's the ugly truth.

12 Comments:

OpenID tomeoftheunknownblogger said...

I've heard that the US will soon be down to two major exports: Financial Services and Entertainment.

We've seen in the last year how well the whole Financial Services thing worked out.

And now, with this fine example of "entertainment", well, I guess I'll just say good luck with becoming a third world country.

August 1, 2009 at 11:08 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Hey! What about our fast food?! Everyone seems to enjoy that quite a lot. It’s a big export and we don’t force people to eat it, you know.

August 1, 2009 at 11:31 PM  
Blogger Jimmy Bastard said...

I can relate to the whole Sunday morning newspaper thing. However, swap sunny back yard for plastic-outdoor-construction-site-karsi, and you'll have better idea of my current reading room area.

You've no idea the amount of paper you have to sit on in these places.

August 2, 2009 at 2:35 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

If only Tom Arnold were in that movie ...

August 2, 2009 at 3:40 AM  
Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I too love nothing more on a Sunday than sitting in my living room surrounded by the supplements (Style, Culture, Travel, Magazine) of our british Sunday Times and gradually plodding my way through them. In fact, you've just reminded me to go and buy it. £2 at the ready! I love the scathing TV and restaurant reviews from A.A Gill. But annoyingly, in the summer most of the good critics go away. Although I just finished reading AA Gill's book called "AA Gill is Away". Anyway. Rambling. Here's the link if you're interested.

August 2, 2009 at 6:25 AM  
OpenID daisyfae said...

sunday morning with a good newspaper and a pot of coffee (and when i'm doing the 'bad girl' thing? a pack of marlboro's)... alt music channel on rhapsody on the back deck...

oh yeah.

so why the hell did i just spend my morning pounding pavement on my fekkin' bicycle?!?!

August 2, 2009 at 11:52 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Jimmy: It's a temporary thing, you old rattlesnake. Hang in there. Stack the papers so that your ass cheeks rest on the Politics section.

Ellie: If Tom Arnold had been in the movie, honestly, it might have been worth a laugh or two. As it is? No, thanks.

Jo: Thanks for the Gill link. I'm not familiar with his work but will be soon. I don't know what a Glenfiddich Award is, but I'm sure he deserved it.

Daisy: Ummmm...because you're out of your mind? Why you would spoil a Sunday morning is lost on me.

August 2, 2009 at 12:07 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

I think Suzy Qs are delightfully debaucherous.

August 2, 2009 at 4:23 PM  
Anonymous Greg T said...

I love my Sunday NY Times as well. I do the same thing but I add Baileys to my coffee on Sunday mornings. A few weekends ago I actually read in the hammock snuggled between two tall oak trees and fell asleep for about an hour after. Now that was very excellent!!!!

August 2, 2009 at 8:36 PM  
Blogger sid said...

I love romcoms. LOVE them. But I too tend to have my limits. Some of them are sooo lame they just piss me off. Normally you have the plain Jane who falls for the douchebag. How can anyone be that fucking stupid?

August 3, 2009 at 5:35 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Leah: I'm addicted. Those and Ho-Hos too. It's awful.

Greg: It's a proven equation: Bailey's + hammock = SLEEP.

Sid: For the most part, they miss the mark with me. But I'm just a guy. I'm not their target audience.

August 3, 2009 at 7:01 AM  
Anonymous neeeekole. said...

good post. kudos.

August 4, 2009 at 1:26 AM  

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