The Unbearable Banishment: Happiness is a warm cell phone jammer

Friday, March 12, 2010

Happiness is a warm cell phone jammer

[In a loud voice:] Stop tellin’ me how to live my life ma! I’m 37 years old!...zzzap...No, I ain’t hangin’ up on ya, ma! It’s the recep--...zzzap...I SWEAR I ain’t hangin’ up on ya! Quit yellin’. Don‘t talk to me like tha--...zzzap...It ain’t ME. No, YOU shaddup! It’s this gaddamn CELL PHONE!...zzzap

Happiness is a warm cell phone jammer.
Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.

* * *

Here's my favorite recent key phrase search hit on my blog:

can i collect unemployment if my job is unbearable?


Yes, I suppose I could qualify as an authority on that. Other, more disturbing search hits include:

disney princess sexy

disney princesses sexuality

hottest disney princess

princesses disney hot image

sexy Disney princess - costumes


and

banished, I have been banished


Me, too, brother.

* * *

Over a two-decade period in New York, I’ve probably visited hundreds of pizza parlors and have eaten thousands of slices in many different variations. But I've never come across this beauty. It’s a breakfast slice! Bacon, fried egg, green and red pepper, onion, tomato and black olives.


Cold pizza in the morning was a staple of my diet during my bachelor days, but this is carrying things a bit too far. I didn’t try a slice but now I kind of wish I had.

* * *

From the New York Times:

A 12-Hour Play, and Endless Bragging Rights

“The Demons,” a 12-hour production of a grim Dostoevsky novel that will be performed only twice, may be the must-see show of the New York theater season.

I disagree in the strongest of terms. I love a good dramatic production, but I’d rather sit through a Green Acres/Petticoat Junction marathon than a 12-hour (“grim”) Dostoevsky play. Seriously, what are they thinking? And who would subject themselves to it just to be able to brag to their friends that they did, as the article insinuated? There are people out here who would do just that! The Times is showing its pretentious jerk-off side. Again.

Labels:

11 Comments:

Blogger savannah said...

1. *snickering* how do you keep a straight face when that happens?

2. i took my blog off search-ability. might be interesting to find out what might bring someone to the marshes.

3. i can't even summon the words to describe my reaction to that breakfast pizza!

4. i wonder how many people will attend! *sigh*

have a great weekend, sugar! xoxox

March 12, 2010 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger Here In Franklin said...

The best pizza I EVER had was in Venice. It was very simple...crust, sauce, cheese, a fabulous thickly sliced hard sausage of some type. According to the Italian menu, it was served "con ovum." Thanks to my
8th grade Latin, I knew that meant "with egg." There was an over-easy egg on top and it was delicious!

March 12, 2010 at 8:48 AM  
Blogger mapstew said...

Man that pizza looks fine!

I'm cooking bacon & cabbage for dinner today, with turnips in butter and black pepper, boiled spuds and parsley sauce. Come on over, there's enough for everyone!

Have a good weekend pal. :¬)

March 12, 2010 at 10:26 AM  
Anonymous annie said...

You've never had breakfast pizza? Seriously? You should have tried it.

March 12, 2010 at 11:28 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Savannah: The biggest challenge my cell phone jammer presents is keeping a straight face. Re: the 12-hour play. No doubt it will sell out, but I can assure you that I won't be there.

HIF: As I mentioned in the post, I regretted not trying it. The place is on 9th Ave. and 22nd St., so I can always go back.

Map: I'm on my way to JFK to board a plane. What's your nearest airport. How tempting is that?!

Annie: I've had pizza FOR breakfast but, no, I've never had a breakfast pizza. I'll add it to my bucket list.

March 12, 2010 at 12:34 PM  
Blogger Sonny Amou said...

Heart attack on a plate, those slices are. In my pre-diabetes days I would have snarfed four of those in one sitting.

However, how do they get the fried egg on there to look so perfect? Seriously, I want to know that.

March 12, 2010 at 12:39 PM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

Are those pizza slices enormous or are they using plover eggs?

Have you been to see a Behanding in Spokane yet? I've been waiting for your review

March 12, 2010 at 4:25 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Sonny: Nice to see you! How've you been? I have no idea how they accomplished this feat. It looks pretty cool, doesn't it? Scroll down for a rare book post.

Nurse: They are large slices and small eggs. I saw Behanding while it was in previews. Here's my post on it.

March 12, 2010 at 4:36 PM  
OpenID daisyfae said...

egg pizza? i guess it's like eggs on toast. i still need to get a cell phone jammer - but i want one with a 'stun' setting for the really obnoxious folks...

March 12, 2010 at 4:53 PM  
Anonymous nursemyra said...

I'd read that post UB, but hadn't realised you'd seen the play at that stage, thought you were writing it pre-viewing..... that's what I get for skimming ;-)

Christopher Walken *swoon*.....

March 12, 2010 at 5:00 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Daisy: I'm waiting for our friends in China to develop a jammer for vocal cords. THAT would make for a quiet commute.

Nurse: What do you mean you "skim" my posts?!?! Excuse me. I have to go lie down.

March 12, 2010 at 6:25 PM  

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