Happiness is a warm cell phone jammer

[In a loud voice:] Stop tellin’ me how to live my life ma! I’m 37 years old!...zzzap...No, I ain’t hangin’ up on ya, ma! It’s the recep--...zzzap...I SWEAR I ain’t hangin’ up on ya! Quit yellin’. Don‘t talk to me like tha--...zzzap...It ain’t ME. No, YOU shaddup! It’s this gaddamn CELL PHONE!...zzzap

Happiness is a warm cell phone jammer.
Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.

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Here's my favorite recent key phrase search hit on my blog:

can i collect unemployment if my job is unbearable?

Yes, I suppose I could qualify as an authority on that. Other, more disturbing search hits include:

disney princess sexy
disney princesses sexuality
hottest disney princess
princesses disney hot image
sexy Disney princess - costumes

and

banished, I have been banished

Me, too, brother.

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Over a two-decade period in New York, I’ve probably visited hundreds of pizza parlors and have eaten thousands of slices in many different variations. But I've never come across this beauty. It’s a breakfast slice! Bacon, fried egg, green and red pepper, onion, tomato and black olives.


Cold pizza in the morning was a staple of my diet during my bachelor days, but this is carrying things a bit too far. I didn’t try a slice but now I kind of wish I had.

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From the New York Times:

A 12-Hour Play, and Endless Bragging Rights

“The Demons,” a 12-hour production of a grim Dostoevsky novel that will be performed only twice, may be the must-see show of the New York theater season.

I disagree in the strongest of terms. I love a good dramatic production, but I’d rather sit through a Green Acres/Petticoat Junction marathon than a 12-hour (“grim”) Dostoevsky play. Seriously, what are they thinking? And who would subject themselves to it just to be able to brag to their friends that they did, as the article insinuated? There are people out here who would do just that! The Times is showing its pretentious jerk-off side. Again.