Please Don’t Feed the Animals

Mrs. Wife has had a bee in her bonnet for quite some time about taking the kiddies to the Bronx Zoo. It’s not that far geographically, but it's a treacherous ride because of the traffic and all the complex twists and turns you need to take once you exit the George Washington Bridge. I successfully evaded the subject for six years but she finally won out and we went on Saturday. Well, I was right, and that doesn’t happen too damn often. We sat in August summer traffic for almost two solid hours. At times we were at a dead-stop. My righteousness filled the car and turned it into a pressure cooker. Yay me.

The Zoo was lovely but the common theme that ran through all the exhibits was how mankind is destroying the animal kingdom. I ended up feeling personally responsible for mutilating the habitats of all the fuzzy animals in the world. I just wanted to look at a stupid giraffe, not be lectured to about how there is a direct link between myself and the extinction of certain species. Outside of the tiger exhibit they set up a “poacher’s truck” so you could see what the tools of the tiger poaching trade look like. Tiger traps, nets, pelts, etc. Mrs. Wife had to explain to 6-Year Old Daughter what poaching was. Fun.

Zoos are no longer a place where animals sit in cold grey cages. They live in areas that replicate their natural habitat as closely as possible. That’s lovely and humane, but the problem is that the animals are able to stay very well hidden. More often than not, you have to settle for a quick peek of a swish of a tail from behind a mound of grass.

We stopped for lunch. I didn’t expect the healthiest cuisine, and I was right. The menu contained a lot of fried junk and sandwiches with melted cheese dripping off the sides. I was walking to our table and thinking that people really should start eat healthier (myself included) and I turned a corner and saw this:


Holy mother of Jesus! Hide the children! Now, ain’t that America? I momentarily felt bad about taking the photo, but I got over it pretty quickly. They should throw her in the lion pen. We’d finally get to see some wildlife and she could certainly use the exercise.